Stoners In Sunnydale Edited for younger Viewers
by Liam Matthews
Summary: Jay And Silent Bob are on their way home from Hollywood and have a layover in the strangest of places... (Edited to be appropriately R)
1. Prologue: Smoking and Drinking in Dark A...

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Disclaimer: (A statement made to save one's own ass...) I don't own these Characters. I am not selling them or this work. If somebody wants to send me money, that would be Nice, but I doubt it will happen. Don't Sue me Joss or Kevin.  
  
Author Note: Takes place after J&SB strike Back and shortly after the Musical Episode of Buffy.  
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Prologue  
Smoking and drinking in alleys  
  
Joreck stalked along the alley nearby the train station. He hated trains; they took too long going coast to coast when you can't get off to find someone to eat. he'd been stuck on the train for two and a half days, and he hadn't been able to get a drink during that time: People tend to notice when you kill someone on a train. Yes, Joreck was a vampire. He was only happy that the train had gotten to Sunnydale at local nighttime. In fact, this was the only train that did get here at nighttime, and he'd reluctantly taken it since it was a nonstop. He was hungry after nearly three days without feeding. Thus he stalked down this alley after the two people he'd seen enter. He paused and saw the vague shadow of a man at the other end of the alley, a faint glow of a cigarette near his mouth, and a faint smell in the air, which his vampire senses easily picked out. He easily recognized the scent, he smelled enough of it in the sixties and seventies.   
  
Joreck was older than most Vampires, the not-so-famous ones, anyway. He was seventy six and still looked the age of twenty four that he'd been when he was turned. He had stayed with the one who'd turned him, Forlen, all that time. They'd started individual nests all around New England, and the most recent ones in New Jersey. It was there that they'd come across it, his reason for being here. They'd discovered an ancient Talisman, The Inverted Cross of Frellen. It had properties similar to the ring of Amada. It too allowed any Vampire wearer to be immune to those things that would kill any other of his kind. However, this Medallion also amplified the wearers latent abilities, making him stronger, faster, better than before. The only catch was, there was a ceremony required to activate the Talisman. A ceremony that none of those in his troop in Jersey knew. They'd made some inquiries in the matter, and found a warlock who specialized in these matters. So Here he was, traveling across the country to find this warlock to decipher the nature of this ceremony, and go back to Jersey to make he and his troop one of the most feared in the States.   
  
But first he'd get something to eat.   
  
This guy looked mighty appealing.  
  
He moved towards the guy, moving as silently as a cat stalking it's prey. He could see the Way the man was nodding his head to some tune obviously in his head. He allowed his true face to come out, and bared his fangs. He could see the way his target breathed out a plume of smoke through both mouth and nose.   
  
He could see it all so well, you'd think he could see the other guy across the alley.   
  
Cause the other guy sure saw him. And this other guy sure didn't like the look of Joreck.  
  
So it should be no surprise that, just as Joreck was preparing to strike, that the slightly shorter man from across the alley struck first. Hard. He threw a right cross straight to the side of the face, Joreck was stunned, and the smoking man was alerted to his presence.   
  
"Yo, Fuck man, what da Fuck's goin on?" He shouted. No response came, and the shorter man simply continued his attack on Joreck with an elbow to the exposed upper back. "Yo, he start some shit with you?" The smoker asked his shorter friend. "Well don't worry, bro, I gotch-yo-back!" He shouted, snuffing out his blunt on the brick wall and placing it behind his ear as his companion drove a knee into Jorecks stomach. Joreck was simply surprised by the suddenness and speed of the attack and did not recover as quickly as he would have if he were well fed. He elbowed his assailant in the ribs while still being kneed. The blow drove them apart, sending The attacker falling over a trash can and Joreck tripping out closer to the exit, and falling on his back. The thin smoker spoke, "Yo Bitch, were you goin? damn straight you run bitch, I'll kick yo mother fuckin ass! I'll get my Convict girlfriend and kick your ass from here to California!" His companion arose, and looked at him with a slightly exasperated look, and gestured to their surroundings. The smoker looked confused for a second, then figured out the error he'd made. The thinner man looked at him and shouted. "Oh, fuck you! How the hell am I supposed to know where I am?" He shouted at his compatriot, temporarily turning from Joreck, who had sprang to his feet and scanned the darkness of the alley for the shorter man.   
  
He judged the distance, and jump-tackled the beefier opponent. The thinner man was taken off guard and stepped back. Joreck threw a punch at the human, who dodged it. The shorter human simply slammed into him, putting all his weight into his shoulder. This put Joreck back several feet, and he thinner man moved forward. He instinctively felt his pocket. Yes, the Talisman was still there. He was charged to guard it at all cost, and he was not going to let them get it. He checked the thicker human, and thus failed to notice that the thinner man had pulled a golf club out of his bag and was well into a swing towards his mid-section. He was too far into it for Joreck to dodge the attack completely, and it hit a glancing blow to the ribs. But something was wrong. He'd been hit with metal object before, and it never hurt like this. He could feel the flesh were he'd been struck burning and sizzling. It hit like a sledgehammer. This didn't make sense, Vampires weren't harmed by metal!   
  
The thin man spoke again, "What? Don't like dat, bitch? You think your big shit? You think your all kinds of tough? Well say hello to mister bad-ass-motherfuckin-king!" He said just as he swung in an upward arc to connect squarely with Joreck's chin. The force of it sent Joreck flying out into the street beyond the alley. He screamed at the pain, and as the pain and burning streamed through his body, the two humans moved towards him slowly, moving side by side now. Joreck could feel the fire passing through his body, and was soon reduced to a quick burst of ash.  
  
The two humans paused for a moment at the sight of this, and moved out of the shadow of the alley, into the yellow light of the street lamp. It reveals the long, straggly blond hair of the taller man, his black beanie cap holding the blunt against his ear. It showed, first the long, green winter coat of the shorter man, then the long dark hair, the short beard and mustache, and the backward baseball cap. the light also shows the somewhat shocked expressions of each face. The thinner man reached up behind his ear and brought around the snuffed out blunt. He looked at it for a moment than motioned to his friend. "Dude, this is some good shit, Silent Bob. Take a hit." His friend did not move to take it, and he then walked on, saying to his friend, "Man, Kick'n ass makes me hungry. Lets go get a Mooby Burger, Lunchbox." His friend stood frozen for a moment, and looked down at the spot where Joreck had combusted. He noticed a small peace of jewelry, picked it up, and placed it in one of his coats many inside pockets. He then Followed his stoned friend Jay into the streets of Sunnydale. 


	2. Chapter 1: Onslaught Of Oddness

See Prologue For Disclaimer.  
  
Chapter One  
Onslaught of oddness  
  
Willow was walking to the Magic box after a late class. She felt rather foolish: she of all people should know better than to walk alone at night in Sunnydale. She was one of the few that knew exactly what went bump in the night, she was usually helping the one who bumped it. She walked along in the park, the most direct route to the house. She knew that Tara was home, waiting for her, and that Buffy might even be on patrol already. That was a comforting thought, though what happened next was a bit less comforting. She was passing a statue in the park, when she heard four distinct thumps. The thumps, she discovered after turning around, were four men, rather young men falling from the branches of a tree. They chuckled as they approached here, and she knew immediately what they were, without them having to show their vampiric faces. She backed up, and saw in the faint light that these creatures couldn't have been more than sixteen when they were turned, and she wondered about that for a moment.   
  
"Well hey there beautiful." One of them said in mock charm. "You are far too pretty to be walking alone on a night like this. There are all kinds of things about at night." This got a further round of chuckles from his companions. "I think you need some company." He said, just before charging at her.   
  
Willow tried to think of something to do. There were too many of them to fight off. She quickly thought of a protection spell, and closed her eyes to begin the chant, silently knowing that it was too little, too late. She cringed in fear, knowing that he would get to her before she could finish. Then an even more Unexpected thing happened.  
  
"Snooch to the mother fuckin nooch!" A voice behind her screamed, and she opened her eyes to slits, see that two figures had jumped over the statue behind her, and jumped the young vampire attacking her. She vaguely saw punches thrown, kicks made, and a tiny figure falling to the ground. "What? What? You think your tough ya punk bitch? Come on, Represent!" The voice shouted, taunting the other fledglings on. As they charged the two, in the dark light Willow couldn't make out the faces of her two saviors, but she could see that the taller had a long, thin weapon in hand. As one of the young vampires rushed towards the shorter of the two, stout guardian threw a quick uppercut and caught the vampire squarely in the chin, and at the same time had kicked the creature in the knee. The taller of the two struck the beast in the ribs with his weapon, and the creature screamed in pain. The other two had now allowed their true faces to show, and had hissed, barring their fangs.   
  
"What? More of you screwy-faced Fucks? Man I kicked that last ones ass, I'll lay it on your asses too, motha Fucka's" the same voice shouted, as the now amazed Willow stared on, and she could figure from the various gestures that it was the taller of the two speaking. As the two standing fledglings charged, the unarmed man drove a kick square between the legs of his young attacker, who promptly fell. The other fledgling took a smack in the face from the taller humans weapon. The young one flew back from the attack, screaming in pain for a full minute before bursting into a cloud of dust. The one that had struck first, that the tall human had hit in the ribs with his weapon, Then fell over in pain, and screamed before dusting. The other two demons stood transfixed before gathering themselves up and running. "Yeah you better run! Go back to ya paper routes Ya Mighty Morphin Power Fucks!" the same voice said, raising the weapon in the air as a warning. They turned around to Willow, who still sat amazed by the spectacle. Never in her years of fighting vampires had she seen such a display of foolish, yet effective, method of Vampire hunting.   
  
The two strange saviors stood there for a moment watching the vampires run off. The taller one muttered. "Man, that was off the hook, Lunchbox. I mean, I know they're just little kids and all, But we kicked their asses!" They then turned towards willow, and she could see a lighter's flame around the face of the shorter man lighting a cigarette. The light it gave off showed some dark hair of a beard, and she could just barely make out the red color of the lighter, and the word 'Nails' printed on it.  
  
"Who are you? What happened back there? How did you do that?" She asked. She obviously knew that they were not Initiative, or any other group of demon hunters she knew of. As they approached, she realized that the weapon that the speaker carried was a golf club, which only enhanced her curiosity.   
  
"Word, that was some crazy shit, Them with the fucked up faces and shit, right? Well, I'm Jay, and this is my hetero Life-mate, Silent Bob. I don't know what happened back there, All I know is that they woulda kicked you and Lunchbox's asses if I hadn't represented." He earned an incredulous look from his bearded companion, and he responded with a threatening, "What?"  
  
She stood while he was speaking, and upon his finishing, stood there slightly confused. They were know close enough to make out their faces. She watched the way they stood and moved for a moment, trying to figure out what exactly was going on. Some how, in her years in Sunnydale, and all the odd things she'd seen in those years, Two guys fighting off twice as many vampires with nothing but a Golf club between them seemed to rank in the top ten odd-list. "Um, I'm Willow." She spoke, not exactly sure what to say. "So you don't know what those things were?" She inquired to determine if these two knew about vampires and demons and the like.  
  
"Yeah, I know what they are!" Jay shouted, giving Willow a bad feeling for a moment before he turned to shout over his shoulder. "They're dead meat if they mess with me again, the punks shits! Snoogans." He muttered, hitting fists with Bob. "Um, I don't know what to say." Willow stammered on, still slightly disheveled and feeling generally weirded out. "Thanks, I guess. Is there any way I can make it up to you?" Being of her orientation, one would suppose she wouldn't realize how foolish thing this is to say to Jay.   
  
He seemed to be thinking along those lines, smiled then spoke. "Usually I'd say 'Ya'll up for sex as a reward?', But last time I saved Tubby and a bitch from some mean ass punks, We got involved in some crazy shit." He spoke, and Bob again shot him a look at the first comment, then nodded enthusiastically at the latter. "Long story, I aughta tell ya sometime."   
  
Willow took a second and an interesting look to digest what he'd just said, but before she could ask him to clarify, Jay reached into his pant pocket, obviously looking for something. Failing to find it he asked Bob, "Yo, Lunchbox, you got any left?" To which Bob shook his head. Jay looked to Willow. "Yo, you know where we could get any, uh..." Jay trailed off, trying to think of what he thought Californians called it nowadays. "Herbs?"   
  
Willow, what with her magic based background, completely misunderstood. "You're into that stuff?" She asked, rather surprised, thinking that these two didn't seem the type for magic. Though, in retrospect, It did make the whole Golf club thing make more sense. Maybe they'd cast some sort of spell on it.   
  
Jay was taken aback for a second, amused that she had any doubt that he did drugs. Usually bitches like this just assumed it. Bob gave him a look of amusement too. "Uh..." Jay started. "Yeah, we been into that stuff for a while now. Damn straight."   
  
Willow gave a slight nod at that, and spoke, happy to be of assistance to these guys. "Oh. Well, uh, Yeah. I know just the place. Infant, I was headed there myself." He stammered a bit, seeming more like the childish girl she'd been in high school. "You want to go now?" She asked, pointing in the direction she'd been going.   
  
Jay looked to Bob, who merely shrugged. "We aint doin much else tonight, Unless we find something fun." Jay said. Considering the look he gave Bob, that included a glance at Willow, it wasn't really as subtle as he thought it was. Though for Jay, that's downright encrypted. Willow decided to ignore the comment, and then continued. "Well, the place is this way. I think you'll like it, I know the people who work there. They have a lot of selection." She continued walking, and the pair moved along to the right of her, not really listening to her.   
  
  
  
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Reveiws Appreciated, Even flames.... (I'm that lonely.;) )  
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	3. Chapter 2: Drunk, Stoned, & Stupid

See Prologue For Disclaimer.  
  
Chapter 2  
Drunk, Stoned, and stupid  
  
"Uhg, what a day!" Buffy shouted, as she slammed the door behind her. She had expected the rest of the gang to be at the Magic box. She didn't expect Spike to be there, but for some reason she didn't mind it as much as she expected herself to. He was sitting on a stool near the front counter. He wore the same annoyingly smug look, where his lips seem a little puckered and his chin is especially out there, that he always wears when he thinks he has something over her. She ignored him for a while, too annoyed with her day at the Double Meat Palace to deal with him. She looked back to see Anya working on some form or another behind the counter, Xander sitting at the table with Tara, apparently chatting, and Giles (surprise, surprise) reading an ancient text. Only when her sister called out from the loft did she realize she was there.   
  
"What's wrong Buf?" Xander asked.   
  
"Horrible day. Horrible day!" She responded, sitting down at the table next to him, taking the coffee that he offered. "Two people called in sick today. I had to clean out the grease vat, and if it weren't for my personal strength I don't think I could have done it without breaking my arm." She droned on, very annoyed, and leaned back in the chair before leaning her head on Xanders shoulder in a friendly, Too-tired-to-stay-upright kinda way. "Or my bosses neck." She added in an undertone.  
  
"Well, I'd offer to arrange that for you, but, you understand, luv." Spike quipped in an offhanded manner, though his eyes did flash a bit when she laid her head on Xanders shoulder.  
  
"Damn, I might have taken you up on that." She joked back in a dead pan tone, apparently too tired to realize that she was being friendly with Spike. "There were these two assholes who came in a few hours ago, and they were annoying as hell. Well one of the, anyway. Kept shouting about why there wasn't a computer in the Double Meat Palace, an how he wishes there were a Mooby Burger. This other one kept checking me out too." She took a long sip of coffee, registered the fact that Xander was patting her head in a gesture of (what he must have thought was humorous) sympathy. She saw that Tara didn't really seem to listening, more likely she was waiting for Willow. She saw the little flash in Spikes eyes at the mention of the latter guy checking her out, then she tried not to think along those lines. She couldn't see her sister nearby, and Anya and Giles were too busy working to Sympathize. Not that she really needed it. "What I could do with right now is a beer and a day and a half of sleep."   
  
"Well, I would be happy to assist you on that point." Xander piped up. "Fore I am Payday Man!"   
  
They continued to plan a happy excursion to one of the few decent bars that Sunnydale supported, while outside, Jay, Willow, And Bob approached. Willow had been speaking aimlessly, trying to draw out information from Jay about their background as far as magic goes, but she'd had a little trouble understanding what he was saying. They walked up to the shop and willow moved to open the door. Jay tapped Bobs arm to get his attention. "The Magic box? Man, that's shit's messed up, man. Snoogans." They went in, and Jay looked around. He was a little surprised at all the books and such, but then he figured it was just a front. They stood at the front for a few moments, taking in the sight of the place. They saw Spike at the counter, Anya and Giles behind it, and Buffy, Xander, and Tara at the table.   
  
Willow said her various hello's, and motioned for them to follow her towards the section where the herbs were stored. Jay saw Buffy sitting at the table, though she wasn't facing them, and hadn't looked at them yet. "Yo, Silent Bob!" he whispered smacking his buds arm. "It's that bitch you was checkin out at the Burger joint." Though he needn't have said anything, Bob had already noticed, and motioned for Jay to not call attention to them. He pushed Jay to follow Willow, while he moved to a nearby shelf, so as he might not be seen by Buffy. He was really blushing now, and he was thankful for his beard. And when he moved over to one of the shelves to hid his face, Jay moved on towards the back of the store, and turned the corner Willow pointed to.   
  
"Right behind there, Jay." She said, moving back towards her friends.   
  
"Aw, thanks man. I thought for a while this town was gonna be like a little Shermeran. Good thing we ran into each other, kicked some ass while we's at it. Baaang." He muttered, moving around the corner. And Willow moved away, completely confused by that statement.   
  
At the sound of his voice, Buffy's eyes snapped open and her head shot up straight. "Oh, no." she mumbled.   
  
"What's wrong Buf?" Xander asked quietly.   
  
"It's that asshole I was talking about. The one from work." Willow came over and sat down at the table. She was obviously about to talk to Tara, and only looked interested in talking to Tara, but Buffy grabbed her arm. "When did he get here? Did he like, follow me here?" She asked, while here eyes moved around, looking to see if Bob was here. She caught him sneaking a glance at her over a line of books, and when their eyes met, his darted away.   
  
"Huh? No." A confused Willow answered. "We met up in the Park. Actually, I was attacked by some vampires." She lowered her voice, even though there was nobody else in the store except people she thought knew about these things. "These guys showed up and kinda saved me."   
  
"Oh my god, Are you alright?" Tara asked, a thin layer of fear in her voice.  
  
"Oh, I'm fine, thanks to them." Willow said with a bit of admiration in her voice. "These guys took them out like it was nothing. It was kinda weird. I mean, I think they're from out of town. They asked me if there was someplace in town where they could get some supplies. Herbs and stuff. I think they're pretty big into Magic, Jay, He's the Blonde one, He dusted one without breaking a sweat."   
  
"How many were there?" Buffy asked, her voice filled with interest. Somehow, when he'd been making an ass of himself at the Double Meat Palace, She hadn't pictured Jay as being the into-magic type.  
  
"Four. And they took'm down quick. Well, two of them anyway. But they went down quick. But here's the weird part: They didn't use spikes or crosses or anything. As far as I can tell, none of the classic weapons. It's like they beat them to death."  
  
"Huh?" Buffy grunted, and she was going to inquire further, But then Jay came back around the corner of the shelf, Smiled, nodded, and winked at Willow, Tara, and Buffy, respectively, and moved back to Bob.   
  
"Lunchbox, man, I just remembered, I got a full bag in my Tote Bag. But we left it in that alley by the train station. But I donno if I got any rolling papers. Do you?" Bob nodded and they moved back to the table to say goodbye to Willow, And Bob was pointedly not looking at Buffy.   
  
Jay and Silent Bob stood before the table, still largely ignored by Giles, and Anya. They had the full attention of the others however. Spike looked at them suspiciously from behind them. Jay stood somewhat slackly, while Bob seemed nervous, even antsy. His eyes darted around, while his cheeks got steadily redder. This somewhat amused Buffy, though the others didn't seem to notice. Willow looked up at them with admiration after a fashion, while Tara and Xander looked up at them in respectable interest. Dawn had, in fact, noticed the excessive cursing, and come to the edge of the loft, looking down upon the group. She happened to notice the way that Bob was shifty-eyed.  
  
"Yeah, well, Me and Silent Bob here just remembered that we had some, uh, supplies already with us, but we just didn't remember to bring'm with us from the train station. So I guess we're gonna go get'em." Jay said, sounding rather bored and seeming to enjoy the female company though.  
  
"Yeah, um, Jay is it?" Buffy asked. He nodded. "Well, we were just headed out too, I guess. Willow tells us you guys beat of a few nasties earlier. You have much experience with that stuff?" She asked in an off hand manner.   
  
Jay looked to Silent Bob, who nodded in somewhat agreement. "Yeah, we've dealt with some crazy shit some times. This one time we beat the crap out some fuckin Demonic punks on roller blades, but that's a long story. Then we fuckin messed up these two motha fuckin dicks with wings, but that's fuckin intense. I aughta tell ya about it sometime." He stood there nodding, pleased with himself, while Silent Bob smiling in agreement, and everybody else fairly confused. Buffy was just about to say 'huh?' when Tara interrupted.   
  
"But you're experienced in fighting with vampires? Willow tells us you guys made pretty short work of them. Have you seen a lot of them?"  
  
Jay obviously assumed that She was talking about vampire cults, and he'd dealt with the crazy folk who cropped up in such groups. "Yeah, those stupid damn blood drinkin mother fuckers. Me and Lunchbox here dealt with some'a those pale cocksuckers back in Jersey. Damn Faggots, every one of'em. But me and Bob know how to deal with those mother Fuckers, don't we Silent Bob?" He looked to his friend, who smiled, nodding. They hit the tops and bottoms of each others fists. "Snoogans." Jay muttered.   
  
Spike looked entirely brassed off at these comments an, if not for the chip in his head, he surely would have had several words to say about it. This seemed slightly humorous to Buffy and Tara, and downright hilarious to Xander. No doubt it only added to the humor that Spike was annoyed so. "Hahaha" Xander laughed in the stupid, ear-to-ear grin that he'd used seldom since Highschool. "I like these guys."   
  
He gave a high five with Silent Bob an Jay nodded, muttering, "Word."   
  
"So you two are from New Jersey?" Willow asked, the four locals rising from their respective seats, preparing to go out for a round or two.   
  
"Damn straight. Garden state like a maw fucker!" Jay shouted   
  
Willow scowled at the gratuitous cursing, then asked "How long are you guys here for?"  
  
Jay seemed at a lose for a moment, then turned to Bob. "Dude lemme see the tickets." Bob pulled them out of an inner coat pocket and they examined them. "We've got a three day layover. Damn, that means we're gonna have to get a hotel room."he said to himself as much as anyone else.   
  
The group began moving towards the door, and Silent Bob moved forward to open the door, and hold it open for Buffy and then the others. He smiled wide as she passed, thanking him sheepishly. He frowned as Spike passed scowling thoroughly. They walked out into the street in front of the Magic box. Jay and Silent Bob said their goodbyes to the Large group, and watched as the others walked off into the city. Jay noticed how Willow and Tara held hands walking away, indicated this to Bob silently. He raised his hand to his mouth, making a little space between his pointer and middle fingers, slipping his tongue in and out, grinning. Bob smacked his shoulder, and they walked through the park towards the train station.   
  
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Across town, in a dank room, an exceedingly old man stood nervously, surrounded by younger, dangerous looking men. The largest of them asked the old man. "Where is he?"   
  
His impatience was obvious, and the old man obviously had some fear of the young man. "I don't know. He told me that he would be here by now. Who knows? Maybe the Slayer got to him. This is Sunnydale, and he is a vampire after all. Or maybe his train is just late." This old man was the warlock that Joreck was to meet. And the young men were the troop of vampires that were going to ambush Joreck and steal the Talisman. They had paid rather greatly for the privilege to do so. Paid this old man, that it is. "Maybe you should send some people out to find him. I'm told he is usually punctual."   
  
"We've already got people on the look out. He was seen exiting the train. One of our people saw him. We know he is in town somewhere."  
  
"Than maybe the slayer did get him." The old man said depressedly.  
  
"I hope she didn't." The young vampire spoke, "For her sake." As he stepped out of the dark room into the night followed by a half dozen others.  
  
  
  
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Reveiws Appreciated, Even flames.... (I'm that lonely.;) )  
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	4. Chapter 3: Three Chicks And Alcohol

See Prologue For Disclaimer.  
  
Chapter Three  
3 chicks and alcohol  
  
  
Buffy , Xander, and Anya sat on one of the many couches in the middle of a nearly deserted Bronze. Willow and Tara sat on one of the other couches, appearing to not want to get too close, but not wanting to be all that far apart either. Spike, again, opted for a stool, which he moved nearby. He came along, not making enough noise to attract too much of Xanders attention, who surely would have objected otherwise. All of their hands held various drinks, and not a one of them was more than half full. In several cases, said drinks sat near their empty predecessors.   
  
For much time they had spoken of nothing but the general idiocy and annoyance of life and the world. After a while, they had moved on to the far more gruesome topic: Patrols. You see, just about everyone was very comfortable as they were, at the moment. Not a one of them really felt like leaving they seats for any reason whatsoever. With the possible exception of refills. This talk about vampires and such inevitably brought attention to the fact that Spike was in attendance. A fact that highly annoyed Alexander.   
  
"Hey, captain Peroxide! What are you doing here, anyway?" Xander shouted out, and from how unaware of his own volume he seemed, it was obvious that he was more than a little inebriate. The fact that he downright giggled at his own standard quip made it even more obvious.   
  
Spike seemed to consider commenting on this, then decided that he wouldn't get his usual satisfaction out of the verbal confrontation. Besides, Buffy always seemed to get upset during his and Harris's fights, and so far he'd been rather enjoying himself. As far as he could enjoy himself with Buffy and the scoobies. "Well, I just happened to have come across a rather interesting tidbit. Decided you might want ta know. But It's not that important, I suppose it could wait til later." He stood up off his stool, and finished off his beer with one swift raising of the bottle. He moved to the table between the two couches and picked up a few of the empties. He noticed a few near-done drinks and looked to their owners.  
  
"Want another, Red?" To which Willow absent-mindedly. "Pixie?" He asked, and Tara broke her staring match with Willow's thighs. She looked up, shaking her head, and looked to Spike confusedly. "You want another?" He explained, indicating the glass, still leaning over the table. She nodded, and he picked up the glasses.  
  
He turned, and smiled at the way the two of them acted. He liked the two of them. No matter what the Twip had to say about him, those two had seemed to accept him. He would like to think that it was his good looks winning over two more young ladies that had done it, but the girls appreciation of each other had shown him that he'd need quite a few more beers before he could fool himself into thinking that. He walked up to the bar, ordered another for himself and the others, and stood calmly while the Bartender fixed them.  
  
He looked back at the group and cancelled one of the drink orders; Willow had already fallen asleep on Tara's shoulder. Anya would have to drive her home. She had not had more than a single drink, and she didn't have far to drive, anyway. He listened to them, pretending not to look right at them. He listened to Willows' deep rhythmic breathing, watched Tara stroking her hair absentmindedly. He watched Buffy starring into space, a contentment about her, and a slight smile on her face. He couldn't see Xander and Anya's faces from this angle, but at the moment, he didn't really feel like looking away from Buffy's face.   
  
It was there that he found an amazing, classical beauty, an elegance, a grace that he could never have imagined in a human. There was something very different about her. Besides the whole 'chosen one' thing. It was something that he'd always known, since the first time he'd seen her, he just couldn't bring himself to acknowledge it until recently. He felt very much at peace looking over like this. Which is why the bartender giving him a few drinks didn't give him the pleasure it usually did. He picked up the beverages, and walked over to the others, and gave Tara her drink. He sat, opting instead for one of the comfy chairs instead of a stool. Xander stood at that time, with slight difficulty, declaring that he must desperately use 'the facilities'. This perked an eyebrow or two, until they realized he meant the restroom.   
  
Spike sat and started to go to work on his drink. Before long Xander had returned, and Spike found that he had been staring at Buffy. He really didn't want to get into any sort of confrontation, and he decided that he'd rather leave now and retain the fantasy that he'd had a 'fun night out with friends.' He stood up, waved goodbye to the Scoobies, and went to the bar to pay his tab. He was lucky that night. He had just enough alcohol in him to let him think he was actually out with friends, not with occasional associates.  
  
Not long after, Anya spoke. "I think I should take Xander home."   
  
"Why Honey? We're having a great time!" Harris said.  
  
"Because, you get tired faster when you're drinking, and I wanted us to try that thing I showed you from that website,"  
  
Xander, though not exactly at his peak, could still tell that something completely inappropriate for a rated-R story was about to be typed. Um, I mean said. However, being Not on his best condition, could think of nothing better to intturrupt her than yelling, then turning it into a laugh. "Um," He said, now having the others full attention, "Ok. We should go. I'll see you guys tomorrow then." the two of them stood, paid, and left.   
  
Willow, having woken up at Xanders yelling, looked around, and decided to go back to sleep on Tara's shoulder, nestling closer. Tara had smiled, though Buffy couldn't tell if the smile was one of Humor at Anya's foolishness, or if Tara happened to be thinking along Anya's lines about Willow. The trail of thoughts that proceeded to run through Buffy's head were rather interesting, but she shook her head to expel them.   
  
"So." Buffy began, Trying to think of some relevant topic for discussion. "What do you think of those two guys?"  
  
Tara looked at her, then over her shoulder, then back to Buffy. "The ones at the bar?"  
  
Buffy shook her head. "No, Jay and Bob."  
  
Tara thought for a second. "Well, unless you didn't notice, I don't tend to take much interest in their type, but I suppose you might find them attractive."  
  
Buffy looked confused for a moment. "No, not like that, I mean what do you think about them?" She tried to think of the right words. "Do you think that they are, you know, trustworthy, or trouble, or something like that?"  
  
Tara seemed to be thinking deeply, and had her arm around Willows shoulder. "I don't think they're as much trouble as half the people that come through here. Might even come in handy from time to time." She said this, hugging Willow again. "But they are most definitely strange. Then again they are form New Jersey." It was clear that she meant something by that, but Buffy was neither capable, nor inclined to divine it. "Who knows? All I know is that I'm thankful for what they did." She said this, hugging Willow closer to her again, and this time the sleeping redhead awoke. It was clear from the grin on her face and the looking in her eye what she was thinking about as far as Tara was concerned, and it wasn't long before the three of them were getting ready to leave.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Jay picked up his duffle bag, opened it, and smiled. "Don't worry Lunchbox, got some right here." They picked up their things, and headed back out of the dark alley. Jay was considering wether they should go and get a hotel room before or after they smoked a nice fatty. He thought hard about this, an already difficult activity for him, and wasn't really watching where he was going as he crossed the road. As he and Bob passed another group of men, he bumped into one of them, and was knocked out of his deep thought.   
  
"Watch it!" The stranger shouted.   
  
"You watch it, bitch!" Jay shouted back. The stranger looked menacingly at him. "What? You gonna say something?"   
  
The young man starred at him with a good deal of disgust in his eyes. "About a hundred things. But I doubt I can express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand me!" He growled almost, and then stepped forward.   
  
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Jay shouted.   
  
"Marcus!" One of the other men of the group shouted back to the young stranger, and after a moment of intense staring, he went to catch up with his comrades. Jay stared after him for a second, then continued on their way to the park.   
  
"Man, I don't even know what that Meant and I'm insulted!" Jay shouted. Bob looked at him for a moment, then shook his head. His friends foolishness amazed him sometimes.  
  
  
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Marcus and his fellows reached the alley that Joreck had been seen entering. The leader of his troop spoke. "Try and find any evidence to see if he was attacked here, or if he realized he was being tailed, or what. Look around. James, Eric, keep watch." Marcus let his true face show, and allowed his night senses to take over. He could see it almost immediately. Dust.   
  
"Over here." He said, lowering his head to the ground. His leader stood nearby, while Marcus smelled the air. "He was attacked here. He was dusted around here." He spoke, motioning to the entrance of the alley, looking sharply at the ground for traces of dust, and smelling as well. "A few hours ago at least." He moved across the alley, trying to find the scent of humans. His mind was still distracted though, quite angry at those two arrogant fools he'd ran into on the road. Oh, how He'd wanted to rip open that scrawny bastard's throat right there. He could still smell his stink. He tried to clear his mind of anger and focus on his job here, finding that easier said than done. "There's at least one human. I think two." He said, not actually smelling two human scents; the smell of smoke covered just about everything in here. But he knew that the others would accept him saying so, for it was known that the slayer usually fought with a friend." He looked around. Again, desperate for any evidence about the talisman. But he knew ful well what had happened without seeing proof of it. "She must have taken it."  
  
His leader nodded. "Indeed. Most unfortunate for her. We will have to track her down tonight, before she has the opportunity to stash it anywhere. Or discern its purpose." He scowled. Cast in darkness, His form was naught but a moving part of it; A shade within the darkness, A shadow in the black. His form was as a nightmare, all the more terrifying, even to his brood, because his face was unseen. In the light, even the most Horrifying beast cannot compare to the incomprehensible evils of the Impenetrable cloak of darkness. Marcus, already kneeling, felt quite inclined to drive his face to the ground, hoping to hide from this face of blackness, this image of nothingness.   
  
Then his master burst forth from the shadow like Death from the loins of Hell. And he stood. And his master spoke, every word a chill in his spine, A shard of Ice in his mind.   
  
"Our prey awaits, as does our destiny. Let us not keep them waiting unduly."  
  
  
  
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Reveiws Appreciated, Even flames.... (I'm So lonely.;) )  
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	5. Chapter 4: Strange Saviors

Authors Note: I'm sorry, but I had to redo this chapter. The first version had format problems, and I'm ashamed to admit it, but On watching J&JB Strike Back, I realized I'd forgotten about Suzanne. I know, I know, I'm foolish. But this version should be okay. Enjoy  
  
See Prologue For Disclaimer.  
  
  
  
  
Authors Note: I'm sorry, but I had to redo this chapter. The first version had format problems, and I'm ashamed to admit it, but On watching J&JB Strike Back, I realized I'd forgotten about Suzanne. I know, I know, I'm foolish. But this version should be okay. Enjoy  
  
See Prologue For Disclaimer.  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Chapter Four  
Strange Saviors  
  
Buffy, Willow and Tara walked home in a pleased, nearly dazed state. Judging from the way that Willow kept whispering things in Tara's ears, and the way Tara kept suppressing her own various gasps and giggles, those tow had just begun to enjoy the evening. Buffy walked along, pleased at the enjoyable conclusion to the day, while trying not to visualize the likely conclusion of her Friends evening. Not that she was strictly against that sort of thing, she just didn't think it would be appropriate to think about those things in their presence.  
  
They walked along, enjoying the slight cool breeze as it rustled the leaves and branches of the many trees around them. It seemed a wonderful night to Buffy, The kind that so rarely occurred in this town. The only thing that could make this any better, Buffy thought forlornly, Is if I weren't the one with no shoulder to lean my head on. The way these two carry on is enough to get anyone in the mood. Her thoughts flickered momentarily to Spike, but then she decided not to get into the many bucket loads of conflicting emotion that came along with those thoughts. Instead she merely closed her eyes, listened to the rustling branches of the trees, and felt the wind blowing over her face.  
  
Which might be why she never saw the punch coming.   
  
She definitely felt it though. And she felt flying back. And imagine that, she even felt hitting the ground.   
  
She always was the perceptive one.   
  
She opened her eyes, and sat up rather slowly. She stood to find herself facing once, twice, three times a Vampire. She cursed herself for letting down her guard like that. One of them threw a punch, which she sloppily ducked under. This of course left her open to the knee to the ribs. She backed up with the impact, barely registered Willow and Tara shouting as they were approached by one of the creatures, and then stood straight. She saw one of the beasts take a run at her and she introduced his face to her foot. Hard. As she regained her footing she took a look at the three beasts. The vaguely thought to herself that, had she not had a drink or three at the Bronze, she probably would have made short work of them.   
  
The other five, however, might have posed a problem at her peak. She didn't like the little feeling that she got in her stomach as she saw two or three of the creatures herd Tara and Willow away from her. She didn't like the prickling hairs on the back of her neck as the rest of them started to form a loose circle around here. She really didn't like the feeling as the roof of her mouth went dry, The way it always did when she was very outnumbered. She slid the spike out from her jacket, and it didn't bring the usual comfort that it always brought. She was sobering up really quick, and the cognitive abilities improving didn't make her feel any better: They only confirmed that she wasn't going to win this.   
  
A vampire with an absolutely flaming outfit, reminiscent of a spin-off title-character, charged her, his arms spread. This came as a disadvantage for him, as having your arms out wide makes it difficult to block a kick to the chest. The impact of the kick threw him a foot or two up in the air, without knocking him far back. This allowed Buffy to move in quickly and spike his exposed back without much hassle. One down, she thought, too many to go.  
  
"Hold." A chillingly calm and cool voice said, as deep as it was harmonious, as dark as it was compelling. Simultaneously, the entirety of the Vampire group froze. Not stopped, not backed off, Froze. They stood perfectly still. If not for her keen eyesight, Buffy might have thought the whole group had disappeared in shadow.   
  
"This is foolish, Slayer. We don't have to do this. Just give us the Talisman, and no one need die tonight." A single man was moving now, speaking this dark and mysterious voice. "Not even your pretty little friends."   
  
She felt a little confused now. "What talisman?" She asked, stalling for time. She hoped that Willow and Tara were doing something, a spell preferably. Anything to get them an edge. Her eyes darted over there, but it was clear from the look of them that Willow was still too out of it.  
  
"Don't play the fool, Slayer. You can't act that well." The voice came closer to her, the Face was now barely visible. It was a man, of slightly higher that average height. dark hair, just long enough to be tied off in the back, leaving a few stragglers to curl over the sides from the top. His cheeks and nose were not pronounced, but noble all the same. His chin was strong and made his face somewhat triangular. He'd not shown his true face, which was strange for any vampire in a battle. That alone was enough to make Buffy think twice: The fact that he was in charge here showed that he was experienced, feared, and aware of his own capabilities. That combined with the fact that he'd not gone to full strength in the presence of the slayer showed that he was confident of his abilities even against her, and that he wasn't a fool to think so.  
  
"We want the Talisman." He continued. "We will get it, but if you give it to us, you can go."   
  
"Well, that's a tempting offer an' all," she answered, "But what would that do to my reputation? Besides, I really don't know which talisman you're talking about. I see a lot after all."  
  
He gave her a frankly disturbing smile, one that she almost, for a split second, thought might actually be one of sincere goodwill. "We want the talisman of Frellen. You killed a vampire at the train station who had it, and though we aren't too sad about his demise, we'd like the talisman he was going to give us."   
  
She was down right baffled now, and she decided that there was no way she could kill more than two of them before they counterattacked. Not enough. "Well, I'd love to help ya, But I'm afraid that I really don't know what you're talking about. Haven't been by the train station lately, and I certainly haven't dusted anyone there."   
  
He seemed to consider her for a moment, almost seeming to wonder if she was telling the truth. Then he seemed to come to the realization that it really didn't matter. "Well, you had your chance Slayer. We couldn't take it from your charity, we'll take it from your corpse."  
  
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"Fuck, Silent Bob, this's been one heel of a night." Jay said after taking a long drag off of the blunt he and Bob were working on. They'd been sitting here in this park, a fair distance from the train station, closer to what looked like housing. The sat on a fallen tree, topping off the night with a post-slaughter drink and blunt. They'd gone and bought a six-pack from a convenience store. Jay was quite upset that there was no Quick-Stop, and later thought to himself that he must remember to tell the Quick-Stop guys about this. Suzanne was working out the tension of having ridden in the storage compartment with the other animals. She was climbing up on Bob's back, and he was reminded of the look that he'd gotten from the clerk when Jay told her he needed a seat for his monkey. It isn't often, after all, when a Man with an orangutan buys a ticket on a train. Bob grabbed her arms and legs and swung her like a rocker. She made a pleased little screech in response.  
  
"I mean, first we kick some ass, get some dinner, kick some more ass, meet a nice broad or two, get a look or two from a fine lookin bitch named Buffy," He elbowed his friend at that last part, at which Bob shook his head and blushed profusely, "And we aint even unpacked yet." He handed his friend the blunt, stood, put the remainder of the Beers in the duffle bag, And they got ready to go get a room.   
  
They walked along quietly (well, quietly for Jay, anyway) and heard a shout not too far off. They looked in the direction, then at each other, and turned in that direction. They didn't walk perceptively faster, they weren't all that interested, but they did have inquisitive faces .  
  
They were rather surprised when they heard more shouting. They were fairly surprised to hear punches impacting. They were very surprised when a person was thrown through the shrubbery in front of them to land sprawled at their feet. They were downright shocked to find that that person was Buffy.   
  
"One hell of a night..." Jay muttered to himself, while Bob looked down, his eyes wide. His left eye narrowed, his right still bulging, and his face raised up to the bushes. Jay got the hint that Bob was about to beat the crap out of whoever had done this to Buffy, and decided to whip out his weapons (by which I mean his golf club and his metal bat) from his duffle bag.   
  
He held the bat out in front of Bob, who took Suzanne from off his back. Bob took the bat, and they both looked at the vampire who was stepping through the bushes after Buffy. Needless to say, he was very surprised by the two gentlemen glaring at him.   
  
Needless to say, the other vampires were equally surprised to see him flying back towards them. They were almost as shocked when two young men came out with their weapons raised. Willow and Tara, who the Vampires had done nothing more than smack once or twice in the hopes that they could be used to bargain with the Slayer, Looked up from the ground in downright awe. As they entirety of the assembled beings in that park focused their full attention on the two of them, Jay and Silent Bob looked upon the vampires. They raised their weapons, held with both hands, above their heads in bong-saber stances, and Jay cried out "Onward, Hemp-Knight!"  
  
They rushed the crowd of vampires, who were frankly too shocked to move for a moment, and When they reached their first targets, they swung their weapons in wide arcs, hitting torsos. Both of their respective targets cried out in pain, which brought the others back to reality. The remaining vampires backed off, and grouped around their master as the Barbiturate-powered Jedi took their second and third swings at their victims.   
  
Jay's opponent had crumpled to the ground, screaming in agony, already smoking. Bob's had been able to crawl back to the group. The regrouped troop then rushed towards the pair. Jay and Bob each stood facing the vampires sideways, and had their backs to each other. They held their weapons in identical stances, and whenever a punch or kick was thrown at either of them, it was intercepted and cracked by steel.   
  
The satisfying crunch of bone, and the occasional whimper of pain, filled the air. It wasn't long before not a one of the remaining minions was not pausing to cradle a pained fist, while the flabbergasted master merely looked on in amazement. As did Willow an Tara.  
  
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Buffy was not entirely sure she could get up. she winced in pain as she raised her face up from the dirt. She was quite sure that the pain in both her sides were cracked ribs. She'd taken many blows to the ribs, and she really needed to get up. She hadn't seen Jay or Bob, as she was face down, and she was extremely confused when she brought her head up and looked into the Eyes of a monkey. She paused for a moment before continuing. She managed to get leverage enough to raise herself by clinging to a tree. She leveled herself and tried to climb back through the shrubbery, knowing that she wouldn't be able to stand much longer.   
  
She hadn't expected the first thing she saw to be one vampire squirming on the ground, screaming, and then bursting into a cloud of dust.   
  
She most certainly didn't expect the second thing to be two men, Jay And Silent Bob no less, attacking the six vampires she'd just been beaten by. And apparently, they were winning. She saw the swings of the bat and heard the cracking of bones. She saw the cruel upswing of the golf club connect with chest and heard a strange liquid sound; the sound of a splattering blood right before it burst into dust. She saw the vampires falling to the ground, she saw the bat and club rising and falling, She saw more puffs of Dust.   
  
She heard Jay shout in glee, and he turned to Bob. "Fuck, Lunchbox! It's like I'm Luke Skywalker, These are our lightsabers, you're Ben Kanobi, and We kick'n their fuckin Storm trooper asses Force-style and shit!"  
  
They hit their fists together in a friendly manor, and Bob shook his head. He smiled chuckling, and spoke for the first time since she'd met him. "Adventure, Excitement... a Jedi craves not these things."   
  
Strangely enough, only one coherent thought could form in her head and be vocalized besides "The Hell?' She thought and muttered, "I've either had too much, or not enough, to drink tonight."   
  
She barely registered their master coming to his senses as the last of his minions puffed, and ran away. She barely noticed that Willow and Tara had stood up. She barely noticed that Jay was cursing with the ferocity of ten construction workers. All she could notice was the amazing intensity on Bobs face. The fire, the anger, the emotion. All for her. That's kinda sweet, she thought, before passing out.   
  
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Normally Willow would cry out 'Buffy!' when that happened, but she happened to be too busy gawking at Jay and Silent Bob at the moment. She was simply amazed, again. This time even more so, thanks to the alcohol in her system. Twice that night these two had saved her life in ana amazing display. It was Bob who first noticed Buffy, and he tossed the bat to Jay as he moved to Buffy unconscious form, And scooped her up in his arms.   
  
Willow spoke first (Besides Jay, that is, as he was already in a rant about 'Dumb motha Fucka's fuckin with his crew.') "We should get her home. Come on, this way!" While she walked as fast as Bob could keep up with while carrying Buffy. Jay noticed that they were leaving, and remembered to go and grab his duffle bag this time before following.   
  
"Damn, Lunchbox. You always get us into this shit!" He muttered, as he stuffed the Clubs into the Bag, Picked up Suzanne, and followed.  
  
  
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Reviews Appreciated, Even flames.... (I'm So lonely.;) )  
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	6. Chapter 5: Look What The Cat Dragged In

Chapter Five  
Look What the Cat Dragged In...  
  
Bob walked up the lawn of Buffy's home. Willow had run ahead and was putting the key in the door. Tara was running along side with bob, While Jay walked along behind muttering something to his monkey.  
  
Just as Willow finished turning the key, The door flew open, and Dawn came screaming. "Where have you guys been? Are you alright?" She say her sister in Bobs arms. "Oh my god! What happened? Is she hurt?" Her thoughts seemed to run across the word 'Again,' and she freaked. Tears began pouring down her cheeks, and she spoke in a voice through a throat that was already choking up. "Is she... Is she..." her voice squeaked, and Willow could tell where her thoughts were.   
  
"No, Dawny, she's gonna be okay. She's just a little hurt, Okay? It's gonna be okay. We just got to get her laid down, alright?" She rushed over to Dawn, who was already crying, And pulled her close. Dawn had her head on her shoulder, and Willow was trying to reassure her. "She going to be okay Dawny." She held her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. "Don't worry Dawn. It'll be okay."  
  
"What's going on? What happened? Are you blokes alright?" Spike asked, coming out of the Summers' Kitchen. He saw Bob come in the front door carrying Buffy's unconscious form. "What in the bleed'n hell's going on?" He asked Willow Moving after Bob.   
  
"We were attacked in the woods on our way home. Group of vampires. Big one. Buffy got hurt. What are you doing here?" Willow shot back at him as he stormed past her towards the Living room couch, where Bob was laying Buffy down.   
  
"Lil' Bit came to me crypt bout ten minutes ago, worry'n her little head that her sis hadn't come home yet. Asked me over. What're these two doing here?" He indicated Bob, who was now standing over Buffy, and Jay, who was closing the door, and walked after Bob. Spike pointed to the two of them, then looked back to Willow with a look of anger on his face. "What are those Twips doing?" His face stayed exactly the same as his eyes kind of moved from Willow to just over her shoulder. "And was he just carrying a monkey?"  
  
"Yeah."   
  
He nodded his head once, and seemed to move on. "Okay."   
  
"We were attacked in the woods, and they helped us." Willow said, now moving over towards the couch which Buffy was on. Tara was kneeling beside her, checking her pulse. Tara looked up to them, and nodded.   
  
"She's going to be okay. See if you can get some smelling salts." Tara said, and Dawn moved to leave the room.   
  
"They helped you?" Spike continued incredulously, looking over the two Jersey Boys with skepticism.   
  
"More like 'saved us.'" Tara said, standing up. She moved closer to Willow and Spike, so as not to be overheard by Jay, Bob or Dawn. "We were ambushed. At least half a dozen of them. I think more. They knew Buffy was the Slayer. They said something about a talisman. They seemed to think that she would have had it. They had us cold. Then they showed up, and..." She trailed off, and looked at Jay and Silent Bob. Jay had sat down on the other couch, with Suzanne sitting next to him. Bob stood at the end of the couch on which Buffy lay, staring down on her with concern. "They were amazing. They had these, um, weapons," she seemed unsure about the use of the word, "And they just tore them up. I mean, they were way out numbered, at least three to one. And they didn't get hit once between 'em. I've never seen anything like it. Well, not outside of a George Lucas film anyway." She looked back to Spike.   
  
He merely looked to Jay, who was scratching himself, and nearly screeched "Them?"   
  
"I know. But you should have seen them." Willow said.   
  
"Here you go, Tara." Dawn said, walking past the Couch Jay and Suzanne sat on, "It took me a while to find it," She began a look of simple concern on her face, facing Tara, with her back to Jay. "I forgot what drawer we kept it in, and was that a Monkey on my couch?"   
  
"Yes, and before you ask, I don't know." Willow interrupted as Tara took the salt and kneeled next to Buffy.   
  
She waved the salt under her nose, and Buffy quickly stirred back into consciousness. She moved about slightly, and Tara held her shoulders. "Buffy, It's okay. You're safe, and home."   
  
Buffy looked around, disoriented for a moment. "Willow..." She muttered.   
  
"I'm fine Buffy." Willow piped in.   
  
"Jay... Bob?" She sputtered out.   
  
"Yeah, they're here. They're fine too." Tara said. Bob looked happy at being mentioned. "Buffy, you should get some rest. Try to sleep."   
  
"What... What happened?" Buffy asked.   
  
Tara seemed to be thinking of how to put it. "Well, The vampires struck, and Jay and Silent Bob Struck Back."   
  
Jay seemed to overhear her. "Boo-ya, Motha Fucka! Dem bitches aint gonna be fuck'n with any yall anymore. Me and Lunchbox done Schooled those little Fucks like a fuck'n Easter Bunny. "   
  
Dawn seemed stunned by the sheer amount of expletives in that little display. She looked to him and said "I have no idea what you just said."  
  
He looked at her and nodded sadly."I get that a lot."   
  
"Wait." Buffy said, bringing herself up to a sitting position with a strong wince of pain. "You guys took them out? All of them?" To which Bob nodded. She seemed to try to get Up, and Bob offered her his hand. She took it with a smile, and he helped her up. "How?"   
  
Bob looked to Jay, Who stood up, and punched his fist into his hand, saying "Like Bad-ass Motha-Fucka's is how! Woulda Made Morris Day and Jerome proud, seeing us in action like that!" He smiled, please with himself.   
  
He put his hands in the Raise-the-roof position. "I say who's house? Say what?" He was raising himself on the balls of his feet, "Run's House! Say what? Who's house? Say what? Run's house!"   
  
One could almost hear the crickets outside when he finished, and the others starring at him was most comical. They turned back to each other. "I think I should get to bed." Buffy said, and as she tried to take a step, she nearly collapsed in pain. 'Nearly', as Bob caught her in his arms. She opened her eyes, and looked into his, and they looked at each other for a frozen moment or two. Spike saw it, and suddenly took an extreme disliking to Bob, Bobs face, and everything remotely having to do with Bob. He suddenly wanted something very bad to happen to him, and was not pleased when Bob put one of Buffy's arms over his shoulder and helped her up the stairs to her room.   
  
"So..." Willow began, Seeming to have a bit of difficulty in even beginning to think of what to say. Tara seemed to be having trouble thinking of what to say. Spike was far too busy being pissed all to Hell to think of something to say. Therefore, the most unimportant matter was addressed.  
  
"Is that your Monkey?" Dawn asked Jay, who had sat down again next to Suzanne.   
  
"Yeah. Actually it's my girlfriend convicts. I stole it from this lab where they was doin experiments on it after my Girlfriend Justice asked me to while I was on this trip to Hollywood to keep a movie about me from being made, cause she was in this animal-cruelty group doin a protest and shit, except she wasn't actually in an animal-cruelty group. She was in dis group of international lesbo jewel thieves, and she was only asking me ta break into this lab to take the fall while she and these other bitches stole the Diamonds, but That was before we fell in love and shit, But when I finally found out she wasn't really dead, she went and gave herself up to the cops and made it so me and Bob could Keep the Susy here, and I'm waiting for her to get out of prison, so we's can go and get married and shit." He nodded and scratched his chin, while they all looked at him with blank stares.   
  
You really could hear the crickets outside this time.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Buffy awoke a few hours later, and felt little better. She got out of bed, and heard voices downstairs. She moved to her door, and walked down the stairs. She walked into the Kitchen to find Jay, Willow, Bob, Dawn, Tara, and Spike sitting around on the various stools, seats, and the occasional counter. Jay was apparently entertaining them with an interesting Anecdote.   
  
"And then Luncheon here looks to the guy in the seat right there, and he says 'No Ticket!'" He finished, chuckling to himself, and the others seem to think it was rather humorous. She noticed that there was a bag of chips opened on the table. She noticed that an unfamiliar six-pack case sat empty near by it. She also noticed that the two people not drinking were Tara and Spike.  
  
Willow turned and saw that Buffy had entered the room. "Buffy!" She said. Dawn spun her head in a dramatic gesture, then hid the bear in her hand under the table. "You shouldn't be out of bed!" Willow said.   
  
"I'm fine." Buffy said, rather angry. "It's Dawn that's about to be near death!" She shouted, still leaning against the wall.   
  
"Oh, come on, Buffy." Dawn said in her defense. "It's just the one, What's the harm? There's not even much alcohol in that."   
  
Buffy considered making a 'cavewoman' comment, but then a thought occurred to her. "Where'd you get the alcohol?"   
  
"Um," Dawn seemed reluctant to answer. "They're Jay's."   
  
"Yeah, and it's like I always said: If God didn't want us to have alcohol," Jay began, "She wouldn't have put it in Beer."   
  
Buffy almost responded to that, but stopped suddenly when the meaning of those words hit her brain. "Whatever. You know what? I don't care. Um, what's going on?"   
  
"Well," Jay answered, "We was just hangin cause Tubby here wanted to wait'n see if you were gonna be okay." Bob seemed to give him a look of annoyance that Jay had said this, than blushed and looked away from Buffy while taking a swig. "But now that you're up going, I guess we're set on that." Buffy looked at Bob wit ha slight shy Smile on her face.   
  
"So I guess if you and Ton-O-Fun are done staring at each other," Jay continued, getting harsh stares from just about anybody, "We can go get us a fuck'n room, eh?" he looked to Bob.   
  
"At this time of night?" Buffy looked to the clock, seeing that it was almost four in the morning. "You aren't going be able to get a room at any of the hotels at this time of night."   
  
"Ah, fuck! Look at this shit!" Jay said, and slammed his beer down on the table. Dawn giggled, showing that even a little alcohol could effect her.   
  
"Well," Buffy said, wondering if what she was about to do was a wise idea. "I guess you could stay here. I mean, those are two of the most comfortable couches known to man. I suppose you could crash here a night or two."   
  
Spike looked out-right explosive at this. Jay looked to Bob, who was trying to control his face. "Sure. That's real cool of ya. We'd try not ta get in ya's way an all." He spoke, moving over to where Bob was standing. "One thing though, who were those guys and all?"   
  
"Well," Willow began. "They were vampires."   
  
At this point, both Jay and Bob seemed to finally get the point that she, and the others were talking about Actual vampires. They looked to Willow, Tara, And then each other. "Oooooookay." He said.   
  
"By the way, Willow." Buffy started. "See if you can figure out anything about that Talisman they were talking about. Freller or something. They seemed to think I had it, and they also seemed to know that I'm the..." She had been wincing as she walked over to the table, and as she sat, she trailed off at the last word. She shot a glance at Jay and Silent Bob at trailing off, and then looked to Willow.   
  
"What da fuck are you bitches babbling about?" Jay blabbered out.   
  
"Would you stop calling us that?" Dawn asked, an angry frown forming on her face.   
  
Jay looked at her and then away, muttering "How bout 'Boo-Boo Kitty Fuck'?" Bob looked at him wide-eyed, smacking Jay's shoulder. He looked at Bob innocently and muttered "What? Worked once."   
  
Willow, Buffy, And Tara, who hadn't been listening, seemed to be having a silent conversation, whose words were frowns and various movements of the Eyebrow. Spike, who had been listening, but didn't give a rats ass, was staring intently at Buffy. Could she be about to tell these two morons her little secret?  
  
Apparently so.  
  
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Reviews Appreciated, Even flames.... (I'm So lonely.;) )  
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	7. Chapter 6: Sex, Drugs, & Alcohol

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Forewarning: For those of you uncomfortable with smut, don't worry. It doesn't get all that intense. For those of you in search of it, sorry. Maybe next time. Read anyway!  
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Chapter Six   
Sex, Drugs, And Alcohol  
  
Buffy looked at Willow and Tara, silently asking advice. She then Seemed to come to a decision, leveled her gaze across the table at Jay and Silent Bob, who now had fairly wary looks on their faces, and she spoke. "I'm the slayer."  
  
This didn't have an immediate reaction, and Jay and Bob looked at each other before looking back to her. Jay responded. "The what?"  
  
She merely repeated herself, expecting them to understand the significance. "The slayer."  
  
Jay verbalized what both he and Bob were thinking. "What the fuck are you talking about?"  
  
She was quite used to everyone knowing about the Slayer already, and wasn't quite sure how to describe herself. "I'm the Slayer; a super-powered vampire hunter, charged by fate to fight the powers of evil, and these are my friends, two of which are witches, one is an ex-sorcerer, and another is an ex-demon. The latter two are not present. Those guys who attacked us are, were, vampires. They knew that I'm the Slayer, and thought that I had something they wanted."   
  
Jay and Silent Bob sat there quite still, quite silent, and staring quite blankly. Jay was about to make some comment containing shock, retardation, and use of narcotics when Bob spoke. "That's okay, I'm a junkie with a monkey." That seemed to settle the matter. They all seemed to simply sit there, and stare at the table between them.   
  
Until, of course, Spike spoke. "Um, Buff, I don't suppose you kept any of that blood in the fridge, I haven't really had the chance." Jay and Bob sat confused. Buffy was, again, too tire to give him shit.   
  
"Yeah, it's behind the orange juice." Dawn answered.  
  
"Thank's Lil' Bit." He stood, seemingly unaware of the silent reverie of the room. He grabbed a mug, and leaned over to get in the fridge. When he turned around, he'd revealed his true face to drink, and Jay went berserk.   
  
"Ah! It's the fuck'n Undead! Kill it! Kill it!" Jay screamed, jumping up from his seat at the table, Bob at his side.   
  
Spike merely sighed and muttered to himself. "That sounds familiar." Bob and Jay both made threatening motions toward Spike, and he realized that her was in serious shit.   
  
"No, wait! He's Okay!" Buffy shouted. "He's a frie... well, we tolerate him." She said.   
  
Jay and Silent Bob stood close together, still shocked, but somewhat disarmed. Jay muttered in Bobs ear. "The whole fuck'n worlds out to get us, Silent Bob, I swear to God."  
"You don't have to worry about Spike," Dawn spoke, coming to his defense. "He's not dangerous."   
  
"Hey! Take that back!" Spike shouted in defense of what little dignity he had around here.  
  
"Sorry." Dawn said before continuing. "You see, Spike used to be all big and evil, but then the government agency called the Initiative kidnaped him, and they performed this wicked bad experiment, and they like, put a chip in his head, and made it, like, give'm this big shock whenever he tries to hurt a human. And now he like, hangs around and helps us, cause he..." Trailing off like that seemed a very good option to Dawn when she noticed the looks that she was getting from Willow, Buffy, and most specifically, Spike. The acidity of the glare coming frm the Vampire was enough to give her heartburn.   
  
Again, Jay and Bob merely stared at her, before looking to each other, to Spike, then to each other again. Jay spoke. "People take train rides with layovers all the time, but you and me try to do it, and I swear it's like were trapped in a fuck'n t.v. show." Then, nodding, Bob looked back to the locals. He seemed to be thinking, then apparently came to a solution to the problems of the night. He walked over to his Bag, and pulled out the other six-pack of 'General-Problem- Solvers,' and a bag of 'Universal-Situation-Enhancer.'  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
"What now?" Jay asked, having just finished the last of the last of his beer. After they'd finished off Jays Budweiser's, Buffy'd gone into her pantry in search of alcohol, and found half a twelve-pack of Milwaukee from a party that broke up early (One of which Buffy, Inebriated at this point, gave to Dawn), and a quarter-bottle of scotch from god-knows when. They'd finished talking about very little, taking their time doing so. At some point in the evening no one could specifically recall, Spike had left for his crypt, not wanting to be trapped here during the day.  
  
"I say we put in a movie and pass out in various places in the living room." Buffy spoke, feeling it was quite a cleaver statement after tree beers and two shots. Dawn smiled in agreement, and stood up with a stupid smile still on her face. She made it two steps from the chair before collapsing to the ground. Buffy looked at her sister, crumpled on the floor, and spoke. "Or in here, whatever." Tara laughed, and with Buffy's help, got Dawn up and to bed.   
  
After this, the remainder of the group joined a sleeping Suzanne in the Living room and piled into the various seats, except for Tara, who stood at the video cabinet. After a moment she offered a choice. "We could watch 'American Pie.'"  
  
"Is that the movie where the guy puts his dick in the apple pie?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Yeah, Me and Bob here met him once. Got his ass thrown in jail! Baaaang!" He said the last part hitting fists with Bob, who sat in the next sofa seat.   
  
"Lets watch that." Willow said, conspicuously.  
  
"Why?" Tara asked with a raised eyebrow.  
  
She seemed to concede. "I like that Shannon Elizabeth. I think she's hot."   
  
Tara gasped in mock angry. When Jay piped in. "Damn straight she is. Man she is one hot piece-a ass, but then again, I got a girl, so she's outta the picture for me."  
  
Willow apparently felt the need to keep speaking. " That Alyson Hannigan's not that bad either." To which Tara really gasped this time, and to which Jay and Bob both silently nodded in agreement to each other. Willow looked up at Tara, and shot back at her. "Oh, come on, like you wouldn't jump'er bones if you got the chance." To which Tara could only nod concedingly.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was several hours after the movie, which had gone off without a single event of notice. Well, Bob did have to stop Jay from staring as Willow and Tara started getting frisky in the back couch. He spoke in his own defense. "Come on! When else am I gonna be able to see this shit without paying for it?" They didn't seem to hear him, and didn't seem to stop. In fact, the only sign that they recognized the presence of the others at all was the fact that they went and got a room before any Items of clothing were removed. At some point in the movie Buffy had fallen asleep. Passed out more likely. Bob (Ever the gentleman) again picked her up and carried her to her bed.   
  
He stood at her bed side for a moment, noticing that the sun was rearing it's ugly head. Like Gods own flashlight. He stood for a moment, admiring the was the sunlight came in through her window, and felt his cheeks burn at the golden glow it gave her hair as it lay spread over her dark red pillow, and the Arbern shade it gave her cheeks. He managed to tear himself away from the view and close the window so that it would not disrupt her sleep.  
  
The fact that he got a raging hard-on from holding her so close was not helped by the various yelps and gasps he heard passing by Willow and Tara's room. He entered the living room to find Jay asleep on one couch, and Susy asleep on top of him. He smiled, took off his coat and hat, and laid down on the other to sleep.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Willow and Tara, it seemed, had no intention of sleeping anytime soon. Willow whispered a comment about how they had to be up in hours anyway, so they might as well find an activity that kept them awake and occupied.   
  
Of course, It was difficult for Tara to hear all this with Willows' tongue in her ear.   
  
Tara sat on the edge of the bed, her skirt having fallen to the floor on her way there, and her shirt now heading the same way. Mode of transport: Willows right hand. Willows left hand was busy transporting her own various clothing to any location but 'on.'   
  
Tara lay back, nothing but bra and panties, while Willow straddled above her, slowly drawing off her shirt in an erotic manor. (If you would like help in visualizing this I know an excellent website you can visit... Snoogans!) Willow drew off her shirt exposing the red bra that Tara loved her in.   
  
Tar brought herself up to her elbows and teasingly kissed Willows stomach, lingering and teasing with each kiss. Willow moved down and locked her mouth to Tara's, one hand at the back of her head, one slowly familiarizing itself with Tara's underwear.  
  
It unlocked Tara's bra with surprising skill for a girl under influence, and quickly capitalized on the fruit of it's efforts. Namely Tara's right breast. Willow broke her oral excavation and moved her tongue down Tara's neck to her left breast. Tara' fell back to her back, moving one hand up to run through Willows hair and the other to run along Willows back, and she quickly unlatched Willows bra.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
An hour or so later, Willow claimed that she was getting up to take a shower. She didn't seem to be going anywhere, but she claimed it none the less. After about ten minutes of tired hands sliding along sweaty, tired bodies, and finally threats of tickling, Willow got up. She stood up beside the bed and went in search of a clean bra and panties. Tara admired the view in this search, watching her ruffled red hair matted with sweat, and started muttering that she had to take a shower too, so Willow should hurry up.  
  
Willow looked at Tara, who was now smiling as she laid on her back. The thin sheet only just covered her thighs, and that which fell between. Tara smiled at Willow innocently, seemingly unaware of exactly how intoxicatingly erotic she was, with her bare stomach and chest exposed. Willow walked over to her, a dark smile on her face, and kneeled before kissing her lips. Their faces upside down to each other, Willow began kissing upwards to her.  
Which was down to Tara. As Willows lips began to grace the tops of her breasts, and Willows' dangled above her eyes, she giggled before rolling out from under Willow.   
"I knew it." She said laughing, as she sat up from the side of the bed. "You're only dating me for my physical attraction."  
Willow grinned, and pretended to be considering the matter, before she stood up and started to turn away. "Nah." She said. "It's the sex."  
Tara gasped and laughed and threw a pillow. She dodged it on her way out the door to the bathroom.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
"Who were they!" A voice demanded in the darkness. It was the fourth time the old man had heard the question. I thought third time's the charm. He thought, answering in the same manor.   
  
"I told you I don't know. How could I know if I've never seen them myself?" He said this with all honesty in his voice, but the Dark voice seemed to have other ideas about his sincerity.   
  
"They fought like nothing I've ever seen." The voice said, for the third time that night. "Well, outside of a George Lucas film..." It muttered. "They took out seven of my best fighters like nothing! Who do you know of that could do that? Humans, I mean."  
  
The old man thought to himself for a moment. "I know plenty of people who could take out seven vampires. But few of them use golf clubs and baseball bats. Are you sure you didn't eat a fresh stoner before this? I hear that can cause hallucinations in vampi," He began, a smile forming on his face.   
  
"Don't test me, you old fool!" The voice said, the darkness of the room still hiding the face, but the mans hearing told him it was closer. His smile faded, but didn't disappear. He knew that He was invaluable to the vampire's plans... To a point. The good graces of this vampire was what kept him alive after the ceremony.   
  
'Or so he thinks.' The old man thought. 'If all goes to plan, this fool will be as dead as his troop. And maybe even a Slayer. But two other warlocks or something? They may have word of what was being planned here. That would most definitely be a very bad thing. And if this idiot demon is right, I may be dealing two of the most dangerous men alive.'  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Miles, and levels of consciousness away, Jay rolled over in his sleeps, scratching himself, while Suzanne picked a flea out of his hair.  
  
  
  
  
  
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Reviews Appreciated, Even flames.... (I'm So lonely.;) ) 


	8. Chapter 7: What's The Story, Morning Glo...

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Authors Note: Danger, Danger Will Rosenberg! Sorry all, but I watched J&SB: Strike Back again last night for inspiration as to this work, and some of the DVD Cut scenes too. Therefore, in a Smithian tone, I've included lots of Actor-recognition jokes. (See: Willow talking about Alyson Hannigan) So there. You've been warned. If you haven't Strike Back, you wont really get it. So read it, get confused, and go ask your friends. And review, too. If you don't, you can't read it...)   
  
Chapter Seven  
What's The Story, Morning Glory?  
  
  
Jay woke up rather early, for him anyway. A little before noon. He went to the bathroom, and was taking off his various clothes, which he hadn't taken off to sleep, on the way. One would find a cap, boots, socks, and a yellow jacket on ones trek from the living room to the stairs. On ones way up the stairs one would trip over a stripped 'quickstop' jacket, a 'berserk' T-shirt, and (frighteningly) a pair of black pants. Fortunately, no underwear was to be found on the floor.  
  
Jay apparently decided to take a shower, a decidedly rare occurrence for him.  
  
Dawn awoke, needing to piss badly, and feeling not-too-peachy. She was about to discover that, for a girl of her size and alcohol capacity, even two beers can be an undertaking. She stumbled out into the hall, moving slowly and groggily, but consistently towards the bathroom. Her ears seemed to have a private playing of 'The Worlds Greatest Percussionists' blasting into her head, and she was quite unthinking in opening the door without knocking.   
  
Fore she ran almost headlong (No pun intended) into Jay. And he was interestingly dressed.   
  
Interestingly, in that he wasn't.  
  
He apparently had just gotten out of the shower, as he had a towel at his head, drying off his hair. To the fact that she was looking at him, he was either ignorant or merely ignoring. She looked at his long, dirty-blonde hair. She looked at his long, strong arms. She looked at his well muscled chest still glistening with water. When her eyes got around to noticing the tattoo on his arm, she was already feeling a sensation between her legs that had nothing at all to do with having to urinate.   
  
When her eyes kept traveling south, they were seemingly out of her control and moving of their own accord. They reached their apparent target, and a number of things happened. First, all blood in Dawns face immediately vacated the area. Second, it became apparent that Jay's shower had not been cold water. Third, it became apparent that Dawn would most definitely need to take a shower with cold water. Fourth, Dawn became quite convinced that she would need to rush the undies she was wearing to the washing machine soon. Finally, Dawn made a feeble, clumsy, idiotic attempt to leave the room, excuse herself, pretend she hadn't seen anything, and run out the door at the same time.   
  
Besides futile, the effort was apparently also unnecessary. Jay went about his business unaware that she'd even entered the room. After all, he'd had quite a few more beers that night than her.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Bob awoke to hear talking. After sitting up, and finding Suzanne asleep on the ground beside him, he found that the talking came from the kitchen. He put on his shoes, stood, and walked to the kitchen to find Jay (now fully dressed), Tara, and Willow sitting in various places around the Island and the table.  
  
"So, like, he was with the military?" Jay asked Willow, who nodded, sipping her coffee.   
  
"M-hm. He was in part of the Initiative. Technically he still is, but it's not so evil anymore." She answered. Jay turned and saw Bob entering. Bob shot him an inquisitive look, and Jay spoke.   
  
"She's tellin me bout some of the shit these guys've done in this town." Jay had a look on his face that suggested he was trying to look interested, while he thought that she was really full of shit. "She's just tellin me about this 'Riley' guy." He turned back to Willow. "Yeah, the government's started some shit with me too. But lets not get into that."   
  
"Wait," Willow said, "Let me show you a picture of him. There's one in the hall." She left the kitchen for a moment, while Bob sat next to Jay and grabbed a cup of coffee. She returned, and showed them a picture pointing to one man. "That's Riley." she said.  
  
Jay and Silent Bob looked at the picture, then to each other, and Jay said muttering under his breath "Zoinks, yo..." To which Bob nodded. Willow headed back out the door to return the Picture to the hall, and Jay asked her. "You ever seen him in a neckerjiff?"   
  
"Huh?" She asked.  
  
"Nothin..." Jay muttered.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Buffy awoke, her head splitting from an extreme hangover, and not very sure of how or when she'd gotten to her own bed. She opened one eye. Cautiously. Bed: Check. Hers: Check. Empty: Check.  
  
She discovered what had awoken her in the first place: Dawn was knocking on her door.   
"Come on Buffy, early bird gets the worm." Dawn said.  
  
"Dawn, the early bird is insane." Buffy shouted from her pillow. "Why would I want a worm anyhow?"  
  
"Uhhhg," she moaned pulling herself up to a sitting position. 'Uhhhg' pretty much described her condition; She had a dull ache all throughout her head, she was tired, and she was extremely hungry. She stood up, and though she wasn't exactly sure what she'd done the night before, she regretted whatever it was. She was about to get dressed until she realized that she already was. She thought, I must have been pretty out of it to sleep in my pants. Feeling the cold air, and knowing the floor would be freezing, she was about to put socks on, until she saw that she'd neglected to take them off in the first place. Looking in the mirror, seeing that she was fully dressed, she simply dealt with her unruly bed hair, and headed downstairs for some much desired breakfast.  
  
She entered the kitchen to find Jay and Silent Bob sitting at the kitchen table, with Tara standing by the kitchen island, and Willow on one of the stools. "Hey guys." She muttered on her way to the coffee pot. "What're you talking about?"   
  
Jay looked up Buffy. "She's just tellin us bout this chick, Faith, you guys messed with before. Damn, she sounds like this jewel stealin bitch Me and Lunchbox ran into a while back."  
  
Buffy looked rather confused at this statement. She decided that trying to get what they were talking about would require the use of brain cells that were hours and cups of coffee away from use. She sat, and listened to their conversation, while allowing her body to slowly adapt to the state of being awake. Only when Dawn entered the kitchen and spoke to her did she come out of her haze.   
  
"Hey, Buffy. Are you feeling any better than last night?" Dawn spoke, coming in the kitchen.   
  
"Yeah, Dawny, I feel fine." Buffy said, still seeming in a bit of a daze. Though, wether this was due to the alcohol she'd consumed, or the fact that the sun was up, none could determine.   
  
"You seemed like you were getting better last night, so I..." Dawn spoke moving towards the refrigerator, but at the sight of Jay (Like many women, though for a different reason) broke off and looked a different direction. She blushed profusely, and Buffy barely saw this. Buffy had looked up and at Dawn. She saw the embarrassed look on Dawns face. She was fairly confused until she saw that the thing she had turned away from was Jay, though he didn't seem to have even registered her presence. After that, she got the basic impression that, once again, Dawn had a little crush for the B. A. B. B.: Bad Ass Blonde Boy. She sighed, and leaned her head back.   
  
Willow looked to Buffy, seeming to wait for Buffy to become more attentive, until she gave up the waiting by coughing loudly. Buffy looked to her. "Um, didn't you want to go to the Magic Box to research that talisman they were talking about?"   
  
"Oh, yeah." Buffy said, muttering. "We aught to do that." She stood, while Tara and Willow stood as well. "Um, We need to go to the Shop to do some research." She said, speaking to Jay and Silent Bob.   
  
"You guys can come too if you want." Though it was obvious that she was speaking to both of them, she was noticeably looking only at Bob. Though her face didn't betray any sort of unusual emotion, it was fairly obvious to everyone in the room but those two that she had not desire for Jay to come along.   
  
Well, as usual, Jay was oblivious to what others found obvious. "Sure thing, B. It aint like we got much else to do today. Aint that right Lunchbox?" He said looking over to Bob, who nodded.  
  
Buffy, though she didn't smile, she did seem pleased. "Um, Dawn? You coming?"   
  
Dawn looked up, shot a glance at Jay, and muttered "Uh, no... I got things to do here." She murmured, and left the room.   
  
"Alright than." Buffy said, putting her coffee cup in the sink, and continued. "Let's go than."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Giles carried his tea in one hand, a book in the other, and made his way to his desk in his make-shift office. He set down his tea, opened the book to the page he'd been reading, and enjoyed his moment of peace and quiet.   
  
Since it was a moment of peace and quiet, he should have expected it to be interrupted.  
Anya burst in and set a form on his desk, right on top of the book he was reading. "I need you to sign this." Anya said abruptly.   
  
Giles looked up at her, signed the form with his right hand, than brought his right thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose. "You know, Anya," He said, speaking in an annoyed voice, "in a thousand years of interaction, even by torturing people, one should have gained better social skills than yours."   
  
Anya took the form and gave him an annoyed frown. "Now see, if you were funnier than that, the Doubleya B would've never dropped us." She spoke while moving back towards the door.  
  
Giles looked up in confusion. "What?"   
  
Anya stood there, shaking her head. "Nothing."  
  
  
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Sorry, but that last bit had no purpose whatsoever. It was a joke I wanted to get out there for those of us who were willing to spring for the 'Strike Back' DVD set, and if you watch the extra scenes, you'll understand. Keep watching, I'll update within the week's end. Review! 


	9. Chapter 8: Pretzels, Crosses, &Sunny Day...

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Sorry about the delay in posting, everybody. I know I said within the weeks end, but I've started a new job, and I've recently been getting intimately acquainted with my good friend 'Overtime'. Thus, any time that I happened to be home, I was in bed getting intimately reacquainted with my other good friend Sharon, Um I mean, 'Sleep' ::Glances around nervously:: Any way...  
  
Authors Note: For those of you that had negative things to say about it; No, I'm not putting anything else that could remotely considered smut in. If anything in the last scene freaked you out, it was not meant like that. It was meant to be humor. Leave it be and I will. Moving on...  
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Chapter Eight  
Pretzels, Crosses, and Sunny Days.  
  
Buffy walked down the street (Well, technically it was the sidewalk) with Willow at her right side. Tara walked with her arm looped through Willows. The latter two seemed to be extremely happy. Though wether this was due to the fact that it was a pleasant sunny afternoon, the fact that they were on the road lined with pleasant little shops, or the slightly-more-than-pleasant activities they had occupied themselves with mere hours before, no one really ventured a guess.   
  
About five or six steps behind them, Jay and Silent Bob followed, walking side-by-side, (Not, however, arm in arm) both with slightly pleased looks about them. Neither of them seemed to care about the sunniness of the day. They both seemed rather amused at the quaintness of the small town. After seeing the way Tara and Willow walked together, and remembering their activities the previous night (those that he'd witnessed), the look on Jay's face may well have been due to the slightly-more-than-pleasant activities that Willow and Tara had occupied themselves with mere hours before.  
  
As they walked down the street, many of the little shops had set up displays or booths out in front. They started to pass a bakery when Willow looked over to Buffy speaking. "Can you remember anything special or odd about the vampires that attacked us?"  
  
Buffy frowned in concentration, trying to regain any details from the previous night. Details other than Jason Biggs up on a kitchen counter... She shook her head. "I can't remember what any of them looked like. Not that it matters much now." She gestures back to Jay and Silent Bob. "But they were after a talisman. The talisman of... foremen?" She finished with a the voice going up at the end in a question.   
  
A guy somewhat younger than her stood at a table in front of the bakery. On the table she saw a number of breads and the like. Apparently the man was giving out samples. "Afternoon miss." He said, amicably enough. "Would you like to try an Almond Brownie?"  
  
She shook her head, smiling politely. The idea of chocolate, however appealing it normally was, somehow didn't feel right. She walked on with Willow, trying to remember any specific names or numbers from the night before.  
  
Jay and Silent Bob followed. The baker looked to Jay and spoke in a cheerful voice. "Hello sir." He looked down at the various items on the table, then back up to Jay. "Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?"   
  
All that Buffy heard was what sounded like a slap, then the sound of the table being overturned, then Jay's voice shouting out. "Well fuck you too, ya little fuckin bake'n Basterd!" By the time she'd turned around, the table of baked goods was already overturned. The Baker was already backing away with his arms raised. Bob was holding Jay back, who was trying very hard to attack the poor man. "Come on, bread boy, I'll kick yo mother fuckin ass!"  
  
Bob pulled Jay away in one hard throwing action, and motioned for Jay to move on. Jay looked indignantly at Bob, than threateningly at the Baker, than kept walking down the street. Buffy looked at Bob. "What happened?" Bob looked at her, opened his mouth to answer, and paused with his mouth open. A look of frustrated confusion came over his face, until he merely shook his head and waved a his hand in dismissal.  
  
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Buffy was the first to enter the Magic Box. They'd made it the rest of the way to the shop without event. Willow entered after Buffy, then Tara. Jay and Silent Bob remained outside for a moment to finish off their cigarettes. Bob stood, leaning against a brick portion of the wall, as did Jay beside him. They both seemed to be squirming , attempting to find comfortable positions. After a few moments they looked to each other and shook their heads in silent agreement.  
  
Buffy, Willow, and Tara walked into the store to find Xander sitting at the main table. They noticed a few customers walking about the store. They saw Anya behind the register looking at some piece of paper, and they saw that Giles was on the phone. Buffy overheard a few of his words.   
  
"Like I told you every time you've called, every day for the past three weeks," Giles said in the annoyed voice that Buffy thought that she alone was capable of inspiring in him, "No. We do not sell 'Magic: The Gathering' cards here. This is a place of serious business. Not of games or of trick or anything of the like. Try a bleeding gaming store." He said, hanging up. He muttered to himself. "Bloody kids..."  
  
"Hi Giles." Buffy said, catching his eye and moving towards the counter to meet him, while Tara and Willow moved to meet Xander.   
  
"Buffy. How are you doing?" Giles asked.   
  
"Not so great." Buffy said, which got a reaction of concern out of Giles. "We were attacked last night. Me, Tara, and Willow." Giles didn't look all that concerned anymore. After all, He was speaking with the Slayer. He'd seen her fight himself many times. That plus the fact that he was speaking to her here and she was obviously alright now.   
  
"By whom?" He asked, taking off his glasses and wiping them, in what we are all sure, after six seasons, is a simple nervous habit. I mean, glasses don't fog up that much. Come on, man.  
  
"Vampires." She answered, lowering her voice, as she noticed that a customer was nearing earshot. "Lots of them. Eight or nine." He looked at her with concern this time. He knew she could fight more than a few vampires with success, but not that many. "One troop too. And what's weird is, I didn't go after them, they were after me. And they knew I was the Slayer. Apparently they thought that I had some talisman that they wanted." She shifter her weight to lean against a counter and looked at Giles.   
  
She looked into his eyes meaningfully. It was all that he needed to know. It told him that she had been outmatched, out manned, and outclassed. It told him that she had seen the force of this enemy, and she had known that she could not match it.   
  
"That's why we came to day, to find out what this talisman is all about." She indicated Willow and Tara.   
  
"But how did you manage with them last night?" Giles asked.   
  
"It's freak'n amazing, I know," Buffy began, "But it was Jay and Silent Bob. They came across us in the woods, and they just tore the entire troop up. About eight to two. They really kicked butt." Buffy said. She looked up to Giles, and continued, "They had these... Weapons," She finally said, the word feeling as uncomfortable on the idea as a suit three sizes too small, "And they tore these guys up. I've never seen anything like it." She seemed amazed still, even though it had happened the previous night. "Well, outside of a George Lucas film." She added in an afterthought.   
  
"I'm sorry, Whom?" Giles asked, furrowing his brow in confusion.  
  
"Um," Buffy was about to answer, but the timing of Giles's question was simply too great to allow her the chance. As soon as he had spoked, The front door opened, and Jay and Silent Bob entered. Jay spoke rather loudly. "Ladies, Ladies, Ladies: Jay and Silent Bob are in the Hiz-ills!" Giles looked at the two Boys, with a fare bit of disapproval in his eyes. He looked to Buffy, who was looking almost expectant ly at he two men as they walked over, and realized that they were 'Jay' and 'Bob'.   
  
As the dubious duo joined Buffy and Giles, Buffy made introductions. "Guys, this is Giles."  
  
"Whaddup? I'm Jay, and this is my hetero life mate, Silent Bob." Jay answered,   
  
"So," Buffy began, Walking slowly over to Willow and Tara. "Where do we begin as far as researching this talisman goes?"   
  
"Well," Willow answered, "A name would be nice."   
  
Buffy gave willow a slightly annoyed look, while Willow smirked at her own humor. Buffy continued. "When the vampires attacked, their leader talked about it. The Talisman of..." She trailed off, seemingly muttering in an attempt to remember. "Frimem...Fremen...Friendly?" she spoke more to herself than anyone else, but was interrupted when Giles interjected.   
  
"Frellen?" He asked.  
  
"Yes! She said, snapping her fingers. "Frellen! Wait," she paused with that extremely blonde look of confusion on her face that We all know and hate on her. "How did you know that?"  
  
Giles, not answering, walked back into his office. Everybody at the table adopted confused expressions, with two notable exceptions: Jay, who was frankly always in some state of confusion, was not paying any attention to the conversation, and was busy starring at the chest of a distant female customer, and Xander, who was busy staring at Anya in a similar fashion. When Giles returned, he was (surprise, surprise) carrying a book. It was open to a page, and his finger was running down the various texts.   
  
He spoke, and it was not in his usual, erratic manor. Instead, he seemed quite precise, to an almost mechanical degree. "'Frellen, Cross Of', A talisman granting Vampiric entities increased physical capabilities, and immunity to vampire-selective harmful substances, such as sunlight, wood, crosses, and Holy water. Origin: Created by the demonic Archmage Getrovious Frellen, circa 382 B.C." He stopped reading, still looking at the page. He sensed the odd stares he was receiving from the local members of the group, and looked out the tops of his eyes. "What?" He asked.   
  
"Um," Xander began, "What's with the weird little clip there? The Books are usually a whole lot more cryptic, and you wouldn't talk that way for the same reason."   
  
Giles raised the book so that the others could see the cover. Where Buffy had expected to see a dark, dusty, cracked-leather bound volume of some ancient text, she instead saw a bright green and brown modern looking book, with bright gold typed labels. This was not some hand written text. This was obviously a printed book, and it looked new.   
  
"Grenler's Encyclopedia Satanica: Artifacts and Devices edition." Giles said in an explaining tone of voice. "It's the 'Webster's' of the metaphysical world. Course I didn't even know they made these sorts of books until Willow showed me how to work the damned machine." He finished in an offhand manor, motioning to the computer.   
  
Willow smirked a bit at this, and looked at Bob, who was standing a few feet away. She watched as he stared intently at something. She followed his line of sight, and found that he was looking at a rack, on which sat many plastic containers. In each of these containers sat a different type of herb, or some other magically useful substance. Bob seemed rather interested, and walked over to the rack.   
  
The others stared blankly for a moment, before Xander spoke. "Well, that's a relief. Usually this research stuff takes hours and pots of coffee to finish." He finished with a laugh.   
  
Giles looked at Xander with a bit of a grin. "Oh, well, That's not all there is to know about this in particular, Xander. I'm sure there will be something else in the books to find out."   
  
"Ok," Buffy said, verbalizing her thoughts. "A vampire is bringing the thing of Frellen into town, is killed, and the troop he was bringing it to assumes I killed him." She finished, and a thought seems to barge into her head like an unwanted guest. "But I didn't kill him. So who did?" She asked rhetorically. "Well, what kind of vampire wouldn't want to kill a courier and steal his talisman, hence making him basically invincible." Her sarcastic answer to her own question.   
  
Xander muttered under his breath. "Man, things are getting weird around here. Two Jersey boys constantly saving the day, Giles using the internet... Buffy saying 'Hence'." He looked at Buffy feeling once again that the obvious must be stated in a humorous and scathing manor. "Well, is a blonde blood-sucker springing to anyone elses' mind? He'd probably think this would cure his little twitch, if you know what I mean. It's not like he hasn't done this sort of thing before. Isn't this pretty much the same as that ring a while back, right?" He directed the question at the front to the group in general, and the question at the end to Giles.   
  
"Well," Giles seemed unsure for a moment, looking back into his book, "It's classified as a semi-inert artifact. I'm pretty sure that that means there is a ceremony of some sort to activate it's abilities, where The Ring of Amada was an automatically active effect."   
  
"Besides," Willow cut in, "it wouldn't do him any good." A few people shot her confused glances, and she explained. "Sure, it would make him stronger, and all that. And it would make him immune to the classic Vampire no-no's, but the chip isn't a classic anything. It's internal, and the talisman probably wouldn't help him."   
  
"But it would level the field with us." Buffy said, in a slightly more cryptic tone than normal. Those slightly confused looks that had been focusing on Willow moments before now shifted to Buffy. She looked to the group and spoke solemnly. "Up til now, he's been at the disadvantage; We could hurt him, but he couldn't hurt us. Occasionally, we needed help, and he helped to keep us happy with him. He needed help sometimes too, and we repaid the favor. If he gets his hand on this, the game changes." She gave them all serious looks. "He can't hurt us, but we can't hurt him either. Which means we can't keep him from getting out of line, or from getting that chip out." They all stood there in silent contemplation for a moment, absorbing the words.  
  
Until, of course Tara spoke. "Well, good thing it wasn't him."   
  
This time, those confused stares moved to Tara. She spoke as if it was obvious. (Which, frankly, it was if you hadn't had as much to drink as they had the previous night) "He was here at the Magic box last night, and then with us at the Bronze. How could he have dusted this vampire if he was with us at te time it happened?"   
  
'Oh' was the consensus among the group, with an occasional 'Duh', or 'Never mind' thrown in for flavor. Seeing as he was completely lost as to the contents of the conversation, and not at all interested, Jay began walking around the store.  
  
Giles broke the silence. "Well, it shouldn't be too difficult to discern who is responsible."   
  
Xander looked up at him. "Yeah, cause there aren't that many vampires in this town." The level of sarcasm in his words no doubt violated several health codes, and was probably a fire hazard.  
  
"Yes," Giles continued, in that annoying voice he uses when he's about to explain a concept that requires in-depth thought. "But how many of them would have the experience, connections, or the ingenuity not only to discover this group of vampires plans, but to intercept their courier, and elude their warriors to the point where they assume it must have been the Slayer?" He paused to take a look at the look on Xanders' face as he was proven wrong. He went on to unnecessary explain himself, like he often does. "The average fledglings wouldn't hear about these sort of dealings, and would most certainly not be able to interfere to this degree. And even given that they would be able to obtain the Talisman, Only extremely powerful magically inclined persons would be able to do anything with it. These sorts of Items require detailed rituals. Which would be a good thing to research, by the way." He looked to Willow, Tara, and smirked at Xander at the last part.  
  
"So whoever did this," Buffy began, standing and moving around the table, "Somebody probably heard about it. I'll look around tonight, try and see if there's any word about this."  
  
Jay walked over to Bob, who was inspecting the various Jars and plastic bins. Jay looked into an interesting jar and muttered to Bob, "No wonder they seen monsters, bitch's're rockin the gonge." to which Bob merely nodded.   
  
Jay continued muttering. "Man, I think there's somethin seriously fucked up with all these bastards. They think they're fight'n monsters and shit? There's somethin in they tap water, if you aks me. I mean, come on man," He said, smacking Bobs arm and sounding incredulous. "A chick with super powers goin around fightin vampires and demons an shit? Savin the world? Witches and Wizards? Fuck man, that sounds like somethin out of a bad T.V. show!"  
  
For no apparent reason, both Jay and Silent Bob stopped what they were doing and stared off in the same direction for a moment, Bob seemingly giggled, while Jay shook his head. After a few seconds they continued looking around, muttering occasionally, and walking back to the group.  
  
Buffy stood still, speaking in a more or less confident voice, "Alright then. So I'll go around tonight, try to find any information about this I can, while you guys research more about this talisman. We'll meet here tomorrow afternoon?" She received an assortment of smiles and nods, with which she continued. "Well, than I'm going to go home and get clean and get ready for tonight than." She began to leave, and saw Jay and Silent Bob standing nearby. "Um," She began, "I was headed back home. You guys wanna come with, or do you want to stay here with the guys maybe?"   
  
Jay and Silent Bob looked at each other, and it was obvious to everyone who'd seen the way Bob acted recently which choice he would opt for. "I guess we'll go with you." Jay said, rather apathetic about it. "This place's got some mad crazy shit'n stuff."   
  
Buffy suppressed a little smile unconsciously, the way any school girl would, and the three walked out together. Xander looked at Jay ans Silent Bob as they left and muttered to himself. "Oh, youz guys."   
  
Anya moved away from Xander, to return to her duties, and Giles went to a bookshelf to retrieve a few volumes. As they stood within a few feet of each other, Giles spoke in an odd tone to Anya. "I still don't get that Double-Ya B joke."  
  
Anya sighed sadly, and muttered, "Of, course you don't."  
  
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Dawn sat down on the couch, her face still burning from embarrassment. She felt extremely foolish for having walked in on Jay, as she would feel if she had walked in on anybody. The big difference isn't who she saw, but what. After all, as far as her experience went, (which would be excruciatingly little in her opinion) Jay would have been her most... in-depth examination of the human form to date. Of course, she felt nothing towards him, she didn't go in for the Stoner type, which she (and she alone apparently) had recognized him as the moment he opened his mouth.  
  
But then again, you don't have to be an art buff to appreciate a good painting, either.   
  
She sat there, feeling ashamed of herself for her actions, on the couch of the living room, and all of a sudden, Suzanne plopped down on the seat beside her, looked Dawn in the eyes, and put an arm on her shoulders. Dawn looked at the primate in mild shock, and simply smiled.   
  
"Let's get you something to eat, eh?" She spoke, humorously, and smiled even wider when Suzanne nodded vigorously. She picked up the ape, and headed to the kitchen.  
  
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So, what do you think? Post, post damn you! ::looks at you in mock anger:: Aw, just kidding.   
Sorry about that Xander quoting Jason Lee towards the end there, but haven't you ever noticed that looks like both Jason Lee (Brodie in Mallrats, Banky in Chasing Amy) and Ben Affleck (Holden in Chasing Amy, Bartleby in Dogma, Shannon Hamilton in Mallrats)? Like a cross between them, if you ask me.   
By the way, sorry again about long delays, and I can't promise that the next posting will be much sooner. I'll try for next Wednesday, the next bit isn't too long.  
In the mean time, Love and Snoochie Boochies! 


	10. Chapter 9: Blood, Violence, & Monkey The...

Authors Note: Hey all, I really think you'll like this one. I've taken some extremely subtle hints from colleagues (covers mouth in a cough that sounds suspiciously like 'Claudia') and moved away from the entire area of Smut. I know, I know, and I apologize to my loyal lovers of bountiful breasts, but I've decided that I can't really stand a story with lots of that type of action, and little of the other type. (Psst: don't worry, as Jay said, 'There'll be titties in it, but no bush!') And I am very sorry that I have been so long in updating this chapter, but as if work weren't enough, I've recently started school up, and most of my energy has been going towards getting on top of my bed-time companion. (Before you gasp, read the A.N. of last chapter!) Any way, I hope you like. And review if you do. Hell, review and flame my ass if you don't! I'd just like to know people are reading.   
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Chapter 9  
Blood, Violence, And Monkey Theft.  
  
"Really guys, you probably don't want to come along on this sort of thing. I've done this sort of thing before, and it might make things difficult if there's too many of us." Buffy spoke over her shoulder, with a look on her face nearly as dark as the black leather jacket ensemble she wore. She spoke, of course, to Jay and Silent Bob, who followed a few feet behind. Where they were headed to was unknown to these two, though the leader of this quartet was well informed.   
  
No, I am not mixing up my words, this group was in fact a quartet, the fourth member of the little group merely rode on Bobs back.   
  
"You might have at least wanted to leave Suzanne behind." Buffy finished.  
  
"Lady, you aint got no idea how many times Suzanne's come in handy." Jay muttered mysteriously.   
  
They followed her in silence for several minutes, which in itself was odd for Jay. Usually the only moments of silence around him involved Malt beverage and Masturbation, and even then not totally. They moved down a street lined with less than savory looking businesses until coming to a Bar with a large sign outside called Willy's. Jay snickered after reading, and gestured to Bob, making a passing reference about a gay bar.   
  
Buffy stopped before entering, turned to them, and spoke in a warning tone of voice. "Listen, um, there are some rather weird people in there, and I'd rather just get in and get out quick. They know me here, and chances are they wont start anything with me. I wont need your help with Willy, so you guys just try to go in and blend in for a few minutes. Try not to draw attention to yourselves." She turned from them and entered the bar, leaving the other two to look suspiciously to each other.  
  
Jay turned and spoke to Bob. "Alright Lunchbox, just remember, we goes in and act cool Remember, Incognito." They nodded to each other in an exaggerated way and entered. When they walked in, they saw that Buffy was already standing at the bar, speaking with the bartender. Jay looked around and motioned for Bob to follow him as the went and stood at one end of the bar.   
  
On their way, Jay moved around one rather large ugly creature, completely oblivious that it was in fact, a Mek-Fayron demon, and accidentally bumped into a sitting vampire just as it was taking a drink of it's beverage. The impact made the Vampire spill blood all over itself, much to it's dislike.  
  
As Bob walked the other way around the large Mek-Fayron, he moved a chair out of his path rather quickly with his foot. Not having paid much attention to the effort, he didn't notice as it tipped and fell. It landed on the tail of a rather agitated Grethrok, who took none too kindly to the annoyance. Bob also seemed to trip somewhat in a mis-balanced action, and bumped into the back of the Mek-Fayron.   
  
Bob righted himself and Jay walked to words the bar uninterrupted, and as the Mek-Fayron turned to see Bob, it noticed that the Grethrok was also turning menacingly and swiping a chair around with its tail. Seeing as the Mek-Fayron was looking that direction, it didn't see the angered Vampire standing up behind it. The Fayron assumed that the Grethrok had pushed Bob, who it let go, into it, and the Vampire assumed that the Fayron had shoved it. As Bob reached the bar, the trio attempted to reach for each others throats, making a large display of the violence. Jay and Silent Bob, however responsible they were, were neither involved nor aware of the fight. Their complete obliviousness to danger seemed to make it so discouraged that it gave up and went away.   
  
A demon with extremely too much orange skin had witnessed the event and spoke to the two gentlemen. "Huh, you guys are all kinds of interesting. New in town?"   
  
"Yeah." Jay answered. "We're with her." He finished, motioning to Buffy.   
  
The demons expression changed very slightly. "The Slayer? Figures. Well, why don't you just do us all a favor and just stand there and be quiet." He looked to the two of them seriously, than pointed to Bob, "Especially you." before walking away.  
  
Bob looked confused for a moment, and Jay chuckled to himself, "Dude, that's pretty funny, yo."  
  
They stood there without incident for a few moments, and Buffy spoke with the oily-headed Bartender. "Alright Willy, we need to talk."   
  
He looked at her with an expression that, at a glance, would make one think of some kind of trapped mouse. But if one were to see his eyes, you would see that he was only about as truly afraid as a mouse that was trapped by an anteater. "Slayer," He began in an obviously too loud tone. "I thought I convinced you last time that All the blood I get is clean. I get it legally. Maybe not morally, but,"   
  
"Shut up, Willy." She cut him off, acting out her part in this little charade. "I need some information."   
  
"Aw, come on Slayer, you know I can't do that." Willy said loudly, shifty eyes scanning the room of demons. They were watching to see if he would give any of them up so easily.   
"There's this whole legal confidentiality thing. Anything said between a person and his bartender is privileged information." He smirked, and Buffy looked menacingly at him.  
  
"What channel do you think you're on, Willy, 'cause this isn't 'The Practice'?" She said, leaning forward slightly and spoke under her breath. "Am I gonna have to hit you?"  
  
He whispered under his breath to her. "No, they started wondering why my nose never bleeds."   
  
"Hands?" She asked quietly.   
  
"Yeah." He whispered. "Say, Slayer, why don't you just sit down, have a drink, and take a night off. I'm sure that everyone would prefer that." He said, speaking loudly again. He grabbed a bottle beer and placed it on the bar between them. "On the house." He said in a sarcastic way, leaning with his hands on the bar.   
  
She looked almost to be considering the offer as she picked up the bottle, but everyone who was watching knew of Willy's 'mistake' just before she slammed the bottle down on his hand. He pretended to shout out in pain, or at least she thought he pretended.  
  
"Let's start again, shall we?" She said.   
  
"I don't know anything Slayer." He said, wincing in pain.   
  
She twisted the bottle, pushing down even harder, and he shouted again. "Are you sure?"   
  
"Alright, alright, what is it?" He shouted, and she let him go. "Jesus, Slayer, that really hurt!" He whispered, now cradling the hand.   
  
"Sorry about that." she whispered. She continued. "I need to know about a vampire troop."  
  
"Yeah, like we don't have many of those around here." He muttered.   
  
"I need to know about a troop that was shipping something into town."  
  
While Buffy and the local business proprietor discussed their little matter, Jay and Silent Bob stood rather bored , Jay glancing around the room, Bob glancing over at Buffy. His eyes popped a bit at the bottle incident, but he stood his ground. A waitress walked over and asked if they would like anything to drink.   
  
"What'll ya have?" She asked.   
  
"How 'bout two beers, Flo? And why don't you kiss my grits, nee-ooch." Jay spoke. She walked off shaking her head, and the dumb-assed duo both turned at a rather loud laughing gentle man who sat a table nearby.   
  
"And so he says 'If I might add, that is a fine looking spore you are raising.'" At which the whole table of scaly yellow beings roared in laughter.   
  
The duo looked at each other and listened closer, hearing another of the group speak to him. "That's a good one Kefroll!"   
  
Jay and Silent Bob heard this, and looked wide eyed and shocked at each other. Bob set Suzanne down on a bar stool, and they walked over to the sitting fellow, and Bob tapped him on the shoulder.   
  
"Yeah, what is it?" He asked.  
  
"Is your name Kefroll?" Jay asked.  
  
"Yeah." He answered.  
  
"Do you sign on to 'MoviePoopshoot.com' as Lord_Kefroll?" Jay asked.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Bob pulled a thick stack of papers out of his overcoat and pointed to a point, a look of outright ire on his face. Jay continued. "Did you post, quote 'Jay and Silent Bob are two walking, talking gay jokes. I was watching the movie for all of five minutes when I shouted that it was already gayer than Sparticus. I would like to break my foot off in their asses if there weren't already body parts up there.'?"   
  
If Kefroll hadn't have had so much to drink, he probably would have seen the looks on their faces as he said "Yeah."  
  
He definitely would have seen the punch coming. Maybe not the kick that followed.   
  
  
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Giles walked along the interior of the store, placing a few items in the correct spaces on the wall. He came across a rather large gentleman starring silently at a Lernazian Mural, and looked at the fellow. The tall man starred intensely at the picture and Giles felt prompted to speak.  
  
"That is not a magic eye poster." Giles said timidly, At which the gentleman scowled angrily at him and left the store.   
  
"Bloody customers..." Giles muttered, following the man to the door to lock up for the night. After flipping the open sign, he looked out over the store and muttered to himself. "Right..." He looked rather unsure of what he was doing. "Yes, on to that research." At this point he scurried on to his desk and collection of books. He collected a few volumes that he believed might hold some relevant information and brought them to the main table. He sat with the first text, searching for useful portions, until Willow, Anya, and Xander arrived. Willow and Xander were conversing about some foolish matter, and Anya went to prepare a pot of coffee for the long evening.   
  
"All I'm say," Willow began, "Is that it's an obvious reference to magic, and how it brings all kinds of badness when it's misused."   
  
Xander shook his head. "Well if that's true, than explain this; They say that there used to be a whole lot of the practitioners, but they were wiped out in a war. What's that supposed to mean?" He smirked as he leaned back.  
  
"That's an obvious comparison to early Christians oppressing early magic users, and people like the popes persecuting them." Willow said matter of factly. "And the fact that they are almost all portrayed as men is just another show of sex-biased. Straight men running the show, as always." She muttered.   
  
"Oh come on Will," Xander said, leaning forward again with a larger smirk on his face, "The entire things an obvious attack on modern religion. The last one shows that much."   
  
Giles, who had been trying his hardest not to hear any of this, grimaced at the piece of tripe that was about to come out of Xanders mouth. Willow gave Xander a smirk combined with a raised eyebrow, which seemed more efficient than any verbal response. "No, seriously!" He stuttered. "Who's running the show in the first three?" He asked, obviously knowing the answer but wanting her to think for a second. "Vader, no! The emperor, Vader is the right hand man. And they are both practitioners of the force, albeit the dark side, which you said yourself is just basically religion." He was pointing half-hazardly at her now to emphasize his point, and talking in a semi-rant-ish tone. "So what you have there is an empire run by the darker elements of a powerful religion, which is in essence a theocracy. A government under the thumb of the more unsavory elements of a religious body." He smiled, seeming to have made his point, "So Luke, Han and Leia are fighting to save the world from what is, in essence, the darker side of the Holy mother Church." He leaned back in a seldom found intellectual victory, and quickly snapped back forward when he remembered something. "And the last two movies show it even more! Oh yeah, the all-powerful child of prophecy has to go into the desert to kill the sand people to save the virgin mother. Yeah, there's nothing Christian about that!" He stopped to take a sip of the coffee Anya had set down for him during his rant. Giles took this break in the madness to rub his forehead. "And don't you start with that 'Straight-Man' B.S., either." Xander said, picking up a book from the stack in the middle of the table. "'Luke, your father left this for you.' Yeah, it just happens to be four foot long and shaped like a dick." The sarcasm in the statement violated several health codes, and was probably a fire hazard.  
  
Just as Anya's eyes began to glaze over in the visualization of what Xander just said, Giles spoke, "Instead of making me ill, could one of you possibly help me?" The four of them each took their books and began looking for items of interest, and after a few minutes Giles finished looking in his with little success. In the moment of thought before he got a new book, he asked a few questions of the others. "So, what do you think of these two fellows, Jay and Bob?"  
  
Willow looked up from her book with an expression that showed that, though a great many words wanted to be spoken, none seemed to have permission. Suitably enough, the only adjective which passed her lips was 'Odd.'   
  
Xander smiled. "Yeah, those guys are great. Funny guys. A little weird though. They got too much 'herbs' in their system, if you ask me," Xander muttered this with a smirk, "But they're alright. I heard some of their stories the other night. Man, they deserve a T.V. show or something." Xander had said this last part in an offhand manner, though Giles didn't seem to think it all that brilliant of an idea.  
  
"Oh yes," Giles spoke, not even having opened the book yet, "A television program on which a pair of young men go about drinking, doing drugs, and spouting horrible jokes, mainly revolving around homosexuality and bodily functions, all the while gallivanting around on barbiturate inspired misadventures." Giles said all of this, taking off his glasses, and looking at Xander with incredulity in his eyes. "Oh, come now, Xander. Who would waste an hour watching that?"   
  
At this point, the four people sitting at he the table merely starred off in the general direction of the cash register. Giles, still holding his glasses in his hand, starred with a dull, unhappy glare, while Anya and Willow seemed to shake their heads with almost sad looks. Xanders head bounces up and down in a wide grinned chuckle.   
  
After a few moment, They return to their regularly scheduled activities, and continued the banter.   
  
"Well, I'm quite pleased that they have come along." Giles said, placing his glasses back on. "They certainly seem to have a knack for getting you lot out of trouble."  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
As Kefroll fell to the ground, Jay and Silent Bob stood over him. "Fuck, yeah!" Jay shouted, "You talk shit about us, and Bikity Bam! Your ass is toast!" They looked up towards each other, and turned to walk away. "Damn, Silent Bob, I didn't even think we'd find one'a them mother fucka's here, but we schooled his ass, Reynolds-style!"  
  
They started walking away, when Kefroll stood up behind them. "Bitch, you're schoolin No one!" He shouted.  
  
"Oh, an what you think your gonna do here, Bi-atch!" Jay shouted over his shoulder.  
  
At this, the others who had been sitting with Kefroll at the table, all six of them, stood up, in a rather cliqueic-Bar-room style. Jay looked over his shoulder, as did Bob, and Jay muttered. "The whole fuck'n worlds out to get us, Silent Bob, I swear ta God!"   
  
They turned around just in time to kick the knees of the first of them in his advance. He fell just in time for Bob to throw a punch over its shoulder into the face of the second of them, who in turn fell back just in time for Jay to kick the third of them in the ribs. That is, assuming that it had ribs.   
  
As the Drug-Dealing Duo dealt with a few trash-talking demons, a nearby vampire by the name of Jonathan watched, hoping that the two would be injured and, thus, make an easy meal. His eyes moved with the motions, watching the quick punches and kicks of the humans, and the drunken, sloppy blocks of the demons. "Well, shit." He muttered to himself. "Those two idiots are winning." And it was true, for there were already two demons on the ground, though it was unsure if they had left consciousness because alcohol invited or that fists insists.   
  
His eyes moved past Jay and Silent Bob, and to an ape on a bar stool behind them. He smirked, thinking that it was rare in these parts. His master might have use for such a creature, for his master was often performing some ritual or another. John mad his way quietly around the small brawl, and over to the bar. He walked over to the chimp, and she looked up at him in interest.   
  
"Well, hey there," he said picking her up.   
  
"Hey, bitch, get yo hands off my monkey!" Jay shouted at the vampire, and just as he started moving towards the bloodsucker, Kefroll took a chair and broke it over Jay's head.   
  
Jonathan quickly made his way out of the bar, carrying Suzanne away with him, and Buffy, having noticed the participants of the fight, helped end the fight. 'End,' of course meaning 'knock the shit out of the other guys.'   
  
"Guys, are you alright?" She asked, helping Jay up after it was over.   
  
Bob nodded yes, and Jay muttered something, but a 'fine' could be distinguished in the rambling.   
  
"What happened?" She asked.   
  
"He took Suzanne!" Jay shouted.   
  
Buffy looked confused. "These guys aren't taking anyone, anywhere."   
  
"Naw, not these fucks, this other guy." Jay shouted, rubbing the back of his head.   
  
Buffy looked at a nearby waitress, who had been watching and enjoying the brawl. "Did you see someone go near the monkey?" She asked them.  
  
The woman seemed amicable and helpful enough. "Yeah, he's a vampire by the name of Jonathan. He's a dick-head sometimes, barely tips, if anything. He hangs with a troop at some pretty fancy digs, just south of town." The waitress looked around, mainly at the mess she'd have to clean up. "Kick his ass, will ya?" She muttered in a jaded tone before wandering off.   
  
"Ah, shit man," Jay shouted. "Man, who the fuck just steals a Monkey?"   
  
Bob looked at Jay in yet another instance of amazement at just how stupid his friend could be.   
  
"A vampire." Buffy muttered. "That can't be good." At this, bob looked confused, and Buffy explained. "Well, chances are a vampire wouldn't eat a monkey, but they don't exactly keep pets either. Chances are he plans to use her as a sacrifice or," She trailed off, looking at a wide eyed Bob, "part of her, anyway."   
  
She moved to his side, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry Bob." He spoke reassuringly to him, and she looked into his now frightened and saddened face. "We'll save her. They wouldn't do anything right away. I mean, it's not as if they could have planned this. We'll have time save her." He smiled in a reassured manner, and she smirked in a conspiratorial fashion. "After all, I owe you big already." She smiled in a devilish little way that only women are capable of, and leaned in to kiss Bob in a quick peck on the cheek.   
  
She moved off to the door, and Jay moved to the table of the demons that he had just defeated and pilfered one of their beers, but Bob merely stood still in shock. Fore he had just found that a kiss from Buffy Summers left something to be desired -- The rest of her.  
  
  
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So, how did you like it? Give me a yell if you did or didn't. Just Review, damn you! ::Shakes fist in an old-timer fashion:: Ah, well, I'm sorry again about the long delays, and I'm not making any promises about the next one being soon, But I've committed myself to finishing this, so just keep checking and I'll eventually get it all out.   
  
  
Love, Snoogans, and Keep It Real. 


	11. Chapter 10:Malt Beverage & Masturbation

Chapter 10  
Malt Beverage And Masturbation  
  
Jay, Buffy and Bob walked in the front door of the Magic Box, and instantly the others looked to them. Giles, Willow, Xander, and Tara were all sitting around the Great-Table-Of-Research, while Anya had decided to stand behind a counter with an open book in hand. The saddened look on Jay and Silent Bobs' faces were less than encouraging, while Buffy seemed firmly intrenched in her 'I'm a determined Slayer' look. They walked over to the table, and Buffy spoke.   
  
"We came up with some useful tidbits at Willy's." She began with a tone that suggested that what they found may be just as much a burden as a blessing.   
  
"You found out who's behind the attacks?" Giles prompted.  
  
"More or less." Buffy answered, sitting down. She got the slightly-perturbed look from Giles and elaborated. "From what I gathered, there are only three troops of vampires in town have any serious out of town connections. Of those three, only two have the monetary power to get any sort of magically inclined professionals to work for them. And of those two, the leader of one troop is male, while the other is female."  
  
" Thus we conclude the former." Giles stated to which Buffy nodded.   
  
"Apparently have a few different safe houses, but their main one is supposed to be somewhere outside of town to the south." She spoke, looking to the others.  
  
"Alright, so we now have a slightly less vague idea of where they may be." Xander said. He looked to Bob, Jay, and then back to Buffy. "So why is this a bad thing?"  
  
"Well, while we were at Willy's," Buffy began, "We were attacked."  
  
Everyone seemed to take on, either a concerned, surprised, or exasperated look.   
  
"Again?" Xander asked.  
  
"You know, you just can't seem to go to bars without getting attacked." Anya commented in her own, endearing way. "Maybe you should just try drinking at home."   
  
After giving Anya a slightly impolite look, Buffy continued. "Not by the same guys, no. This was just..." She seemed to be looking for a good term for it, "A bar fight I suppose. Bunch of drunken idiots looking for a fight." She spoke these words, and Bob seemed to be considering whether the demons she was referring to were the real idiots looking for a fight in the situation.   
  
"No one was hurt." Buffy went on, seemingly to answer the concerned looks on Willow and Tara's faces. "Well, besides them, that is. The bad news is that a vampire seems to have kidnaped Suzanne."  
  
"Pardon me, whom?" Giles asked.   
  
"Suzanne." Jay shouted. "My monkey."   
  
Giles stood there starring at Jay, and there was a long pause. Then a slightly shorter pause. Finally Giles merely sat down and put his forehead in his hand.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
For no reason whatsoever, we cut to Holden McNeill, sitting on his couch, and he speaks sadly. "Nights like this, I miss dating a lesbian."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
Jonathan walked along down the road, with the fairly amicable primate hanging onto one arm. Jon found that he rather liked the little creature, and was considering trying to keep it as a pet when he bumped into a person coming out of a shop. The other person was caught off balance and tumbled over, spilling the contents of his bag over half the sidewalk.   
  
"Ah, son of a bitch!" The young man shouted as Jonathan walked on by. "Watch where your going!" The fellow barked out, picking up a few cans and a carton of smokes. "Ya bloody wanker."   
  
And just as Spike placed a plastic bottle of lamp oil in his bag, his eyes rose in an almost disbelieving expression. He saw the young vampire walking away from him, or more to the point, he saw the ape slung over his shoulder. After deciding that it was simply too much to hope that two apes happened to have found their way into his town, he picked up his goods and followed the man at a good distance. After determining exactly where the young vampire was headed, he made his way towards the magic box, deciding some information might be useful to the Scoobies.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
"Well," Giles began after a few moments of simply moving on without an attempt at understanding these confusing young gentlemen, "We had a bit of luck with our research as well."   
  
"Or found out some major badness. Kinda depends on how you look at it." Xander piped in.  
  
"Oh that's all kinds of encouraging." Buffy muttered.  
  
Giles opened a book to a marked page, preparing to go into the ususal twenty minute explanation of the nature of whatever happened to be threatening the city of Sunnydale that week. After seeing that Bob was a bit too distraught over the lose of Suzanne to listen, and finding that Jay was muttering to himself, making punching motions, cursing violently at times, Giles decided that these two fellows were not the kind of warrior that you took the time to explain complicated matters to. He came to the realization that these two were of the variety which you merely pointed in the direction of the thing you want dead and yell 'Go!'   
  
"Well, it appears that this cross of Frellen, while rare, is not unique." Giles explained. After getting a confused look from Buffy, he continued. "Well, while the Cross of Frellen was the only artifact created by Getrovious Frellen to grant abnormal power to specifically vampiric entities, it was not the only artifact created by Getrovious Frellen." Giles finished, and seeing that that confused look on Buffy's face had not changed one Iota, he decided on a different tactic. (Really for such a smart guy, you'd think he would have realized that Buffy is, in fact, blonde.) "The archmage Frellen made a great many talismans and various pieces of armor, each of which performing this effect of increased power and abilities for a different kind of demon."  
  
"So he was an equal opportunity insane demonic assistant." Xander interrupted again. "Have I mentioned yet that I don't like this guy?"   
  
"Yeah, you said that a while ago." Anya spoke, consolingly.  
  
"So a group of various different kinds of demons are going to go get their evil badness on?" Buffy asked. "Get stronger, faster, immune to classic no-no's?"   
  
" No, a fouler games afoot children." Giles muttered, rubbing his chin with his thumb and finger. "What we did not find in the encyclopedia is that this cross can also be used in a very different kind of ceremony. When used in this way, the talisman can also grant those vampiric abilities to a non-vampiric entity." Giles finished.   
  
Buffy, again displaying that she'd stepped out of line when god was handing out brains, asked. "Okay, once more in English?"   
  
Giles stuttered a few moments, the verbal equivalent of falling, picking oneself up again, and dusting off ones pants. "Well, the talisman can be used to give an otherwise normal human the physical abilities of a vampire."   
  
"It will rebuild him," Xander said. "Make him stronger, faster, better than before."  
  
"Oh that's just peachy!" Buffy groaned. And then a thought hit her. "But wait a minute, if there's one of these things for a lot of different types of demons..."   
  
"Than they could all be used simultaneously, and granting one human with the powers of a great many kinds of demons." Giles finished her thought.   
  
Xander interrupted once again. "What, so this would make him, like, some kind of Uber-demon? Man, I miss the 'oh, I just wanna be a big snake' mayor."  
  
"On that note, Willow logged on to... the infernal machine over there," Giles pointed in the general direction of the computer, "and looked up any mention of what talismans were listed in the texts we could find. She found that an odd number of rare and valuable talismans and artifacts have been making their way into our area over the last few years."   
  
Willow smirked her devilish little grin at the mention of her assistance and began. "I found that a few of the artifacts were listed on a page or two. And a few that we weren't even looking for apparently are related to them. It looks like several of them have been coming into the California area over the past twenty years or so."   
  
"Well, than why haven't we been hearing about anybody with the powers of a half dozen demons going around? That sort of thing people tend to notice." Buffy muttered.  
  
Giles piped in as Willow sat down at the computer to bring up a page. "One can assume that, whomever is collecting them wishes to possess all of them. And since the kind of people they would have to deal with wouldn't want to sell the artifacts if they knew they actual use, they would more than likely keep it all quiet until they had gotten all of them."   
  
Willow brought up a page with a series of pictures and descriptions of various objects. Buffy, Giles, and Willow looked at the screen. While Giles and Willow may have understood what was said about all of these old looking objects, Buffy saw only pictures of jewelry, lots of mumbo-jumbo, and some very substantial price tags.   
  
Willow focused on one object, a nice looking ring that was bejeweled with what looked like Jade. "Yeah, this is called the 'Ring of Neritic.' It was made by a magus who studied under Frellen, and was supposedly able to enhance the preternatural abilities of witches."   
  
Tara looked over Willows shoulder. She looked wide-eyed and spoke. "You know, that's kinda weird. Cause, the other day, I was thinking that if I were ever going to propose to you, that I'd get you that instead of a normal ring. I didn't know that it did that kinda stuff."  
  
Willow looked around with a smile and high eyebrows. "Aw, that's so sweet… Wait a minute, you were gonna propose? When were you gonna propose?" She said in a rushed series of questions.   
  
Out of no-where Jay prompted. "When Jaws popped out of the water?"  
  
Slowly a series of heads turned around to look strangely at him, and he put his head down.   
  
The group went on to speak of what devices they knew to have been brought into the town, as Jay and Silent Bob walked around. Suddenly, the front door burst open, and Spike charged in.   
  
"Even'n. Just dropped by," He began, setting his re-packed bag of groceries on a counter, then proceeding to sit beside it, "an figured you lot might enjoy my company."  
  
With a collected sigh of annoyance from the local group, and a glare of disdain or two thrown in for flavor, Xander got to be the first to comment. "Well sure. We always welcome annoying little bleach laden freaks in our little gatherings." He took a step towards Spike. "Spike, since when do we ever enjoy your company?"   
  
"Since I know exactly who took that little stoner over there's beast, and exactly where they took it. Not to mention how to get in there, and what their planning to do with it." Spike, as always, promising a great deal more than he could actually deliver, and yet still having enough to get his foot in the door.  
  
There was slight pause of disbelief among the Scoobies and extras. 'Slight,' of course, in the way that Spike had a slight problem with sun tanning. Xander broke out with a serious question this time. "Spike, exactly how is it that you find out about these things so fast? I mean, is there some demon news team out there? You get up to the minute information? Do you get a news letter or something?" He sounded quite incredulous.  
  
Spike looked at him, and answered as if it were the simplest thing in the world. "I read the script."   
  
Xander looked plainly confused at this and Spike used the opportunity to move past him and into the actual core of the conversation. "A vampire took of with the ape, and ended up an old, expensive lookin joint jus south of town." He was looking and speaking to Buffy, and glanced at Bob at the Ape comment. "I jus happen to know a bit about this bunch, an it isnt all good. These are some very dangerous people, love, an I'd suggest against you have'n anything to do with'm."  
  
"Very dangerous?" Giles questioned. "Might I ask you how you would know this? Do you know any of them?"  
  
"No. I knew the man who, as I hear, was this group's leader's sire. An he was a bloody tough bugger, too." Spike said, sniffing a bit at the last part and wiping his nose on his sleeve.   
  
"What does that have to do with them?" Giles asked.  
  
"Because," Spike continued, "The man I knew was Killed by his own childe. An I don't feel all that anxious to figure out how he managed it."   
  
"Well that's just perfect." Buffy said in a rather chipper voice, which got a confused look from Spike. "I thought that that was where they were, and now that we know they have Suzanne, it's either definitely them, or we need to do it anyway."  
  
This gained a bit of a look from Spike. He was halfway turned towards Buffy, so he gave her that trademark look of his, a single raised eyebrow (the one with the scar across it) and a look on his face that makes one think he's stealing a gimmick from The Rock (who stole it from Leonard Nemoy, who stole it from James Dean...) "What, exactly were you planning to do?"  
  
"We're gonna bust in there an get back our Monkey, ya crazy pasty bastad!" (No, I didn't misspell it accidentally, that was Jay who said it.) At that, Spike received a few nods of agreement.   
  
"You're planning to go in there, face down an entire troop, just to get back a bloody ape?" He asked incredulously. "Is everybody here very stoned?"  
  
Giles looked annoyed at the comment. "No one here is sto-" He paused in mid-word, shot a look to Jay and Silent Bob, and moved on. "The point is that there is more at stake than a mere animal."   
  
They proceeded to explain the Suzanne-Talisman-Extreme badness of the night. After a little bit of drooling at the prospect and a little bit more planning on how to obtain these items, Spike left, realizing that he would be of little or any use that night.  
  
"I don't believe," Giles began, taking off his glasses once again in his nervous habit, "That attempting anything tonight would be wise. It is very likely that they knew of your relationship with Jay and Bob here." Though he didn't know it, he got a few shocked glances from Bob and Buffy, and a knowing smirk from Willow. "They likely took the ape to draw the three of you into rash action. Additionally, It will still be night for several hours. I suggest that we all get a few hours sleep and plan to investigate matters in the day. They will be tired and unprepared." There was a general consensus of 'Sure' with the occasional 'whatever' or 'right' thrown in for flavor. As the group left the magic box, it split up as Anya and Xander went home, as did Giles, while the rest of them went to the 'Summer's Temporary Bed And Breakfast'.   
  
In walking home, that group divided itself into a few smaller portions. There was Willow and Tara a few seconds ahead of Jay. The events of the night had taught them that it would be unwise to be friendly to the point of distraction, and thus they were no fun for the purposes of this story. Jay, of course watching them in the hopes that I missed a lurid lesbian deed or two, was distracted. Buffy and Bob walked side by side about ten feet behind.   
  
"You really should try to not worry." Buffy said reassuringly. "We'll get her back, safe and sound." He looked up from the ground and peered at her face, his semi-chubby face in a sort of tired smile. She put a sympathetic arm across his shoulders, and they walked beside each other silently for a few peaceful moments. Buffy spoke with a bit of a chuckle. "You know, it's kind of cute. I can't think of many guys who would be so emotional about this." She put her smiling head on his shoulder, and looked down at her, and began smiling for a completely different reason. When, Lord? When's gonna be my time?   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
They arrived at the Summers' residence, and as Jay proceeded directly to the restroom, Willow and Tara (after checking that Dawn was asleep in bed) went to bed themselves. (It was probably the prospect of this that lead to Jay's's need to go to the restroom, but Buffy refused to think such thoughts.) Buffy sulked up the stairs, and Bob followed her to her door. She opened her bedroom door, and leaned against the inside of the frame, looking at Bob, looking at her.   
  
"Well, I guess I'll see you in a few hours." She said with a devilish little smile and a hand on his shoulder. She pulled her hand away from his shoulder, and he held her hand in his with all her fingers between his thumb and forefinger.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
If you had been looking really close, (or reading this) You would have been able to tell that a small man wearing a green overcoat, a backwards hat, and two little horns coming out of his forehead, and he looked as though he could stand to lose a pound or two. This little man appeared in a burst of flame, and showed up with a cigarette already taking a drag. Bob looked down at this little man, who exhaled in a rather dramatic manner. The little demon Bob grinned at Buffy, and then nodded in an evil little way. Bob got the impression that it was trying to say 'go for it,' and he nodded conspiratorially. After giving bob a thumbs up, the little man disappears in a poof of flame, and just then, a little man of very similar build, but wearing white robes and a fake Halo, appears on Bobs other shoulder. Bob looked to the tiny man, who glares at Buffy, then at Bob. The Tiny robed man Glares at Bob with disapproval, and Backhands him. The little man disappeared shaking his head.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
After a moments hesitation, Bob took Buffy's hand, Smiled politely yet suggestively, and kissed her hand good night. He walked down the hall with a grin wider than his face, and Buffy stood at her door in absolute amazement.   
  
  
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So, how did you like it? Give me a yell if you did or didn't. Again, I must apologize sincerely for my obscene delays, but you would have no idea the crap that's happened the last couple weeks. And seeing as that crap isn't over, I likely wont be soon in posting again, But If you review and leave your Email, I'd be happy to inform you myself. In the Mean time,  
  
Love, Snoogans, and Keep It Real. 


	12. Chapter 11: Stealing, Boning, Blowing Sh...

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the following:   
The rights to the characters of Kevin Smith's works.  
The rights to the characters of Joss Whendon's works.  
The Hope Diamond  
The rights to the concepts of Batman, or any of his wonderful toys.  
The rights to Mr. Coffee.  
The rights to James Dean.  
A Porsche.  
The rights to the works of Anne Rice.  
The rights to the works of George Lucas, not even his more recent Episodes. (Not that I couldn't have done a better job on the first one...) Heck, I don't even have a light-saber.  
The rights to the works of Ridley Scott.  
A Gladiator (Though I did get into this costume for my girlfriend one time...)  
The rights to Dawson's Creek, though I am currently involved in a legal dispute which, hopefully, shall give me ownership of a nice pond.  
  
I am not receiving money from the use of any of these things, and while I wish this were not the case, it is. Kev, Joss, please don't sue me.  
  
  
Chapter Eleven  
Stealing, Boning, Blowing Shit Up...  
  
Buffy walked down the steps approximately five hours later. She wore a rather plain white shirt and her pajama pants. She entered the kitchen, moving towards the Mr. Coffee with great anticipation. She noticed Willow, siting at the table, a laptop and a bowl of cereal before her. The ravenous little redhead saw Buffy entering and took on a devious (well, devious for her) grin.   
  
"You're looking well," remarked Willow, managing to load the usually innocuous phrase with so many layers of meaning that Buffy jerked to a halt mid-step with a wary look.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Buffy asked, her brain not quite active considering the hour of day, and how few she had slept before that.  
  
"Well, I'm just saying that you must have slept real nice, what with Bob right down the hall." Willow said in a knowing' voice. She locked those big ol' eyes on Buffy and broke from her patronizing comments. "Come on, you got the major hots for him." She cam very close to making the kind of giggle she'd seldom made since highschool.   
  
"Oh, I so do not." Buffy defended herself against the non-attack.  
  
"Pu-leez , Buffy. They way you two were looking at each other last night, it was pretty obvious to everyone but you two. You aught to say something to him."  
  
Buffy seemed to consider this. "You really think so? I mean, he does leave in a few days."   
  
"Yeah." Willow. She smiled. "There's something kinda romantic about knowing it would end soon, ya know? Like something out of an old movie or something." She took a spoonful of frosted flakes. "Besides, I do recognize he is kinda cute. Not that I appreciate his maleness, But you don't have to be an art buff to recognize a decent painting, ya know?"   
  
Buffy smiled, nodding, and took her mug out of the cabinet.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
Jay looked over to Bob, who sat on the couch beside him. He nodded to the kitchen. "Yo, Silent Bob, I think that Buffy broads got a thing for ya. Ya aughta make a move."  
  
Bob gave jay a skeptical look and smacked his shoulder.  
  
"Naw, seriously." Jay went on.  
  
Bob shrugged and seemed to think forlornly about the young blond.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
When all the occupants of the household were awake, alert, and had had a drink or two of coffee, they gathered in the kitchen before setting off to meet the others.   
  
"Alright Xander." Buffy spoke to the receiver of the phone, looking at Jay and Silent Bob reading Willows computer over her shoulder. "We'll meet you there in twenty. Bye." She hung up the phone and walked over to the table in time to hear Jay asking what this web-site was.  
  
Willow explained what the page she was researching was. "This is a site populated by militant magic buffs; sad, pathetic little bastard's, living in their parents basements, downloading spells, sharing what they think is 'inside information' about the demons they claim to despise, yet can't stop discussing." She smirked at some of the amateur advice posted like prize jewel pieces of information. "I'm trying to find any new information of Getrovious before we go."  
  
"Ta hell with that shit." Jay said, straightening up with his fists in front of him. "I say we just go in there, I call dees bitches out, and rip'm up Wolvie-Beserk style! Take out the main motha fucka, and bikity-bam! Mother fuckers are done, we go home an smoke a victory blunt." He then proceeded into a complicated series of motions with his arms, in imitation of his beastly-named idol.  
  
"Are we all ready?" Buffy asked. All present nodded, and they each picked up various bags or cases containing a great many items sharp and pointy.  
  
They walked down the sidewalk in a slightly more tightly packed cluster than the night before. Willow and Tara again took the lead, with Buffy and Bob only six or seven feet behind. Jay followed by nearly ten feet, seemingly moving along to the beat of music which only he could hear.   
  
"Hey these bitches think they're fast,   
Well we're gonna kick their ass.   
Punch, punch, kick, kick, punch it, pile-  
drive'n, kick'n ass X-men style,  
After we whoop dees vampire queers,   
We'll go smoke a blunt and drink some beers,  
Whoop these fuck'n bitch-ass Hoes,   
when we go, we go, we go.  
My jungle love... O-E-O-E-O  
think I wanna know ya, know ya..."   
  
Up with Buffy and Bob, each had a look of serious thought and vague nervousness. As they each considered the advice they had received from their respective friends, they shot foolish little glances at each other. Really, they had each been in the presence of Gods (granted, the two were on opposite sides), you would think that they could work up the nerve to make a move on a member of the opposite sex.  
  
Though this may come as a surprise, Buffy began the conversation. "So, do you think you guys are up to this?" To which Bob nodded. "Good, good. So Bob," She began, and he turned to look at her directly, "You got a girlfriend back in Jersey?"   
  
He smiled and shook his head, as if the idea of him having a girlfriend was a funny thing. Then, looking into her eyes, he took on a rather mischievous grin. Using nothing but an incline of the head and his eyebrows, he gave the unmistakable impression of asking 'What about you?'   
  
"No, I don't have a girlfriend in Jersey either." Buffy answered jokingly. They each chuckled politely, and slowly, Buffy placed her hand in Bobs, their fingers interlacing.   
  
They walked in silent joy for several minutes, and hardly could one tell that it was to battle that they marched. They could have been off to a stroll in the park, or some other bright and cheerful place.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
Xander closed the door of his car as he got out with an almighty thump. He straightened out his back, still not quite rested from the three hours sleep he'd managed to get, and leaned against the car. He leaned in a rather clique way: A guy standing at the side of a lonely, dusty road, waiting for people to arrive. It seemed that he would not need to wait too long. He squinted at the glare blazing from the windshield of a car that neared. It stopped right where he stood, the driver side window rolling down as it approached. Giles put his forearm out along the door, peering out at Xander once he'd stopped the car.   
  
"Are they here yet?" He asked in a somehow ominous fashion.  
  
Xander looked down from the roof tops to Giles face in such an over-dramatic way that is reminiscent of a James Bond henchman. "Naw." He answered, breaking from his dark look and resuming his usual cheerfulness. "They aught to be here in a few."   
  
Giles nodded and pulled forward. He parked his car in front of Xanders', got out, and walked up to the younger man. "I think it might be wise to proceed on foot from here." Xander nodded, resuming a slightly zoned-out stance. Giles assumed a stance beside him, similarly leaning against the car. He looked around after a moment before asking. "Where's Anya?"  
  
Xander answered without breaking his staring contest with the distance. "She's in the backseat, sleeping. She figured 'if we're about to go get ourselves killed, she might as well be well-rested when we do so.'" He almost seemed to chuckle at this. "I gotta admit, I can't really argue with the logic, but there's not really enough room in the back seat for both of us. Well, not to sleep anyway." He didn't exactly mean to say that last bit aloud, but since Giles wasn't really listening it was okay.   
  
Giles was paying more attention to the approaching group of persons making their way down the road towards them. The young pair of witches in the lead was of particular interest, for reason completely besides him being a randy old bugger. The two women seemed rather content, peaceful. In other words, not at all like they were about to go battle a troop of vampires in any way. The next two youths seemed even more unexcited about the affair, looking far too cheerful for the planned event. While they had been discreet enough to not hold hands this whole way, they did seem to be rather close to each other as Giles stared at the pair.   
  
In fact, of the entire group, the last young man was by far the most energetic. Almost dancing in place, throwing rhythmic punches and elbows in the air in front of him, he seemed to be chanting a tone under his breath. Giles assumed that the young man was preforming some kind of personal ritual before going into battle.  
  
They walked up to the car, the whole group standing around in a vague circle. A series of somewhat expectant looks shot their way between the people, and when one or two impacted with Ms. Summers cranium, she spoke.   
  
"What?" she asked the persons who had looked at her in the conspicuous manner.   
  
"I think this is where someone gives a big pep-talk, inspiring us all and filling us with hope before we march blindly into battle." Xander said in a far off, James Dean sort of way, not exactly breaking off his stare into the distance.  
  
"Oh." Buffy said simply, not seeming to be able to find the enthusiasm to deliver her normal impromptu. "Um," She muttered, feeling put on the spot, as it were, "Let's go get'm guys! Kick some vampire butt." She spoke with almost pathetically fake energy.   
  
"You people do realize that we are going into battle against a likely superior force?" Giles asked, and he seemed to be getting almost annoyed at the lack of enthusiasm. "Why is no one acting at least somewhat as if this were the case?"  
  
"Well, it's sort of to be expected, G-man." Xander started, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. "I mean, we haven't had much sleep, we know just where we're going, just what we're doing, and while, granted, these aren't just your daily vampire Hijinks, it's not exactly as if we haven't dealt with worse." As he said this, he got a couple of nods and agreeing looks of acknowledge. He stepped away from the car and moved towards the others. "Plus the fact that we've got a couple of extra guys along for the ride." He added, patting Jay on the shoulder.  
  
"Yeah." Jay said in a long, low, almost threatening way.  
  
"So are we ready to go?" Buffy asked, at which Giles sighed. Xander opened his trunk, picking a few rather large weapons out, and knocked on the backseat window.  
  
"Wake up An, it's the end of the world."   
  
She turned on her side, not quite awake, and muttered. "Have fun storming the castle."  
  
"Come on, dear, put your jacket on and let's go." He said. She awoke, and the group continued on their way. He continued his explanations to Giles as they walked. "Besides, even given that one of these guys has managed to activate these talismans, we're not even sure of how strong this guy might be." He paused for a second, and recognized exactly what he'd just said. "I'm not sure how, but I meant that as a good thing."   
  
Anya piped up at this point. "It's okay dear. But you do have a good point; This wizard or whatever might not have even gotten through with all the ceremony and whatnot to activate these talismans."  
  
"Oh Anya, don't be so naive to count on that." Giles quipped, seeming perturbed with the young people nonetheless. "Well it puzzles me, regardless, of how you all can take this so lightly. I do say, this does seem as though it were strangely simplistic."  
  
"And what's worse," Buffy said in a pseudo-humorous way from the front of the group, "Anti-climatic."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
After fifteen minutes of walking, the group approached a respectable looking, if old and slightly run down, estate. One might have called it a mansion, but then again that wouldn't have taken into account the slightly business-like nature of its appearance. The whole building was only three stories high, but having a single main building with what looked like a wing branching off to either side made it extremely large building.   
  
The Scoobies approached quietly and in a very poorly sneaky way. A series of decorative gardens lined a large parking lot, and the young people, and not to mention Giles, moved in crouching behind shrubbery. Buffy, in the lead, came to a stop, lying behind a large fern at the innermost edge of the garden. She flipped on her back to watch the others catch up, and was supremely shocked to see Spike crouching in the shadow of an overgrown palm tree nearby.   
  
"Spike?" she hissed in an excited, confused voice. "What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
"Well," He began in a rather indignant voice, "I made my way out here after I left last night, see'n as I guessed you lot probably couldn't handle all this on your own. I figured I lend you a hand. Course, silly me, I thought you would've been here a few hours ago. Wait'n around here for you all, I got stuck outside with the sunrise. So I dived for the closest shade I could, and here I am." He spoke in a voice that implied both a fair degree of annoyance and almost seemed as though he expected her to feel sympathetic for his plight. Ah, silly vampire. "On the plus side," he muttered, gesturing towards the building, "I been keeping an eye on the locals. I don't think they've got a guard or anything like that, but I been able to pick out at least twenty different faces. And that's just the ones in rooms with window."   
  
"No, that's not good." Buffy mumbled, repositioning herself on her elbows. "That's not good at all."   
  
Xander and Willow crawled, side by side, up to Buffy. Xander followed her gaze, and was nearly as shocked as Buffy had been. "Spike!"   
  
Jay and Tara joined the group, and noticed Spike crouching nearby under the stumpy tree. Jay took none too kindly to the vampire, and shouted his displeasure at their meeting. "Look at this pasty mother fucker right here! What the hell you doin here?"  
  
Spike seemed to dislike the Jersey boy with equal intensity. "I happened to be here to help you gits deal with these miscreants and get your animal back." His voice managed to convey the moral superiority that you would almost never hear coming out of a vampire. 'Spike' and 'Morality' were two concepts that, when placed in the same sentence, glared menacingly at each other across the sentence, making rude gestures at one another, until one of them violently expels the other from the paragraph.   
  
"That, or he's here to see if he can possibly obtain a rather useful talisman for his own devices." Giles muttered, approaching in a crouching walk. He had absolutely refused to crawl on his hands and knees like poor Bob beside him, for that would be an extremely un-British thing to do. Anya followed behind them, standing quite upright. She apparently couldn't see the point in hiding, seeing as no one was on watch to see them coming.  
  
Spike got that wonderful look of dawning recognition on his face, the one he always gets when found out to be the horribly funny self-serving son-of-a-bitch that he is."Oh, well yeah, or that. If it comes up."  
  
Buffy moaned (No, not like Spike normally makes her moan, you little perverts.) At Spikes foolishness, and hissed at him once more. "Alright, are you going to help us?"  
  
Spike put on his best smile and spoke to her. "Well, of course, love." He grinned in an attempt to be charming and Buffy added him into her plans.   
  
"Alright, here's what we're going to do." She whispered to the now fully assembled group. "I'll circle the building towards the south and find a place to enter unnoticed. Jay, Bob, you guys try to do the same on the north wing."   
  
"I gotchya," Jay muttered, "the three of us sneak in, get the lay of the place, infiltrate the base while dees guy" he gestured to the rest of the group "sit tight and wait ta come on in and bust up their crib." He nodded, pleased with his own cleverness, while most of the others stared at him with varying degrees of amazement.  
  
"Yeah..." Buffy began slowly. "You guys wait out here, and when you see the signal, just do your best to get in and wreck havoc."   
  
"Well how will we know when? What's the signal?" Willow asked, leaving herself open to Buffy's personal version of the clique answer to the question 'what's the signal?'  
  
Buffy moved herself up to a crouching position, and grinned as she answered. "You'll know as soon as I come up with it." With that, she sprinted quickly and quietly away.   
  
Jay and Silent Bob each moved to a crouching position, met eyes in a rather dramatic nod, and moved off to the north wing of the building. "Alright, Silent Bob, lets get this straight." Jay began in his lecturing voice. "We just get in there and find our monkey. No dick'n around, no pick'n fights, no nothing. We don't wanna start a fight or be noticed. Remember: In-cog-nito!" Bob gave him a thumbs up, and they moved to the wall of the building. Bob looked up, saw a line of windows on the top story, and a thought occurred to him.  
  
He opened overcoat, and revealed a nice gun with a grappling-hook and rope attached. He fired at the roof, and Jay stuck out his tongue while making the 'rock-on!' signal with his hand. The grappling hooks landed on the roof, caught on the ledge, and Jay wrapped his arms around his comrade. Bob hooked the gun to his belt, and they flew upward. Reaching the third floor, Bob used his weight to swing them through a large set of windows. They fell through, and lay on the ground in shock for a few moments.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
Willow, who had been watching them from afar, muttered to the others. "Um, I think they're in."   
  
Spike, whose enhanced senses allowed him a perfect sight of what had happened, grunted in an amused disbelief. "If you say so, Red."  
  
Anya yawned loudly. "You know, they probably don't need us. I mean, they can probably take care of this whole thing themselves. Buffy is kind of running the show here, you know."   
  
Giles seemed annoyed with the woman. "Anya, this is not just some silly little television program!"   
  
Anya scowled at him in return. "Now who's being naive?"  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
Jay and Silent Bob stood, checked themselves over, and found that they had broken into what looked like a typical meeting room. A long table dominated the area, with chairs lining either side. A thick layer of dust lined everything, and Bob doubted that the room had even been entered in years.   
  
He waved for Jay to follow him, and moved towards a door. It opened into a long corridor, which itself looked as though it had rarely been used in recent months. The drug-dealing-duo snuck quietly down the hall, towards what the hoped was the center of the building. Passing a great many open doors, Bob saw that this was indeed an abandoned office building; rooms with empty, dusty bookcases and large spaces with cobwebbed cubicles filled too many thresholds to count. After several moments of walking, two left turns and a right, they heard voices . No, not the kind that would be sign of a good hit, these voices were a very bad sign.   
  
"I could have sworn I heard something around here." Bob heard a distant voice growing nearer as it spoke. The two young men looked at each other in fear, and Bob grabbed Jay and pulled him into an open door. The duo pressed themselves up against a wall, and peeked around the corner of the threshold to watch who passed. Within moments two men passed by. One was a lean, mid-heighted man with short dark hair, the other a powerful looking man of a similar height, with long wavy blonde hair. It was the second who spoke first.   
  
"Do not even pretend that you did not hear it too, Christopher." The blonde man muttered, stalking down the hall like the predator that he was.   
  
Christopher, his dark haired comrade, walked along with an almost bored posture. "It was probably just some bookcases falling over or something. This old place is falling apart."  
  
The blonde stopped in his tracks, and turned around to face his fellow. He had a noble face, with a sharp nose, a strong chin, an thin cheeks. He also looked as though he tried very hard to maintain this image. "Maybe, my friend," He said taking in a deep breath in an over-dramatic fashion, "But I smell something. A man I think."   
  
Christopher took in a whiff, and wrinkled his nose at the musk of the old building. "Probably just rats. Come on, lets get back." The two men turned around, and returned the way they came. After several moments Jay and Silent Bob moved back into the hall and followed. As they snuck quietly down the hall they could pick out bits and pieces of the conversation of the two vampires.   
  
"We aught to get some rest today. I heard Sean talking about the boss having a run in with the Slayer." Bob could hear Christopher saying. "He says it's likely that we'll be going after her sometime soon. After the Master gets through with the old geezer, he's liable to lead an assault on the city himself." He said with a chuckle.  
  
"Yes, it is only too fitting that we hunt down the wench and dispose of her." They could hear the blonde man saying, with only the slightest hint of humor in his voice. "After all, God kills, and so shall we; indiscriminately."   
  
Jay and Silent Bob had snuck up to a turn in the hall and peeked around, watching the two men they followed. They watched Christopher groan and saw his shoulders drop. "Ug, will you stop with those stupid 'Lestat' sayings?" They heard him shout in annoyance and disgust. "You don't even look like Tom Cruise, Lester."  
  
"Oh, stop your complaining." Lester shouted back. "You know life would be so much worse without me." He said, chuckling.  
  
"That's it." Christopher said, throwing up his arms in anger. "Next time I turn anybody, I'm gonna make damn sure they've never read a word of Anne Rice."   
  
Jay and Silent Bob looked at each other as though slightly unsure of what to make of these two. They snuck quietly after them once more, keeping a great deal of distance. After a few more turns and what seemed like a hundred empty doorways, they reached the main inhabited part of the building. The main lobby of the building filled a great empty space three stories high, surrounded by balconies and bridges on three sides, with the front of the building a three story wall of glass. They entirety of the windows had been spray painted with a thick layer of black paint, leaving a number of torches and candles to light the area. Huge tapestries and murals decorated walls ad hung from the upper stories. The center of the inner space was dominated by what looked like a stone slab alter, which lay before a very impressive looking throne. On the upper story balconies, many doorways leading to what could only be called barracks could be seen.   
  
This was no mere abandoned building serving as a nest for a troop of vampires. No, this here was a fortress.   
  
"Damn." Jay muttered, taking in the grandiose hall. "This musta set'm back a couple hundred bucks."   
  
Upon moving closer to one of the balconies railing, they saw their quarries walking down a flight of stairs to the second floor. It was there that the quibbling vampires intercepted a rather distracted member of their ilk. The young man was distracted primarily by a primate.  
  
"John," They heard Christopher begin in a rather confused tone, "What are you doing with a monkey?"  
  
They saw the ape-napper look up from Suzanne, who had been hanging by her arms around his neck. "Huh? Oh, well," He seemed almost shy and embarrassed, as though he were addressing a superior officer, "I found it in a bar. I picked it up, cause I figured it might be useful. And, well, now that I've had it for a while, it's kind of cute. I figured I might keep it."  
  
The other vampires looked at him incredulously. "John, what the Hell is wrong with you?" Christopher asked.   
  
"You want to keep it?" Lester pipped in. "What kinda idiot wants to keep an ape around? Let alone a vampire."  
  
Christopher continued berating his underling. "I mean, you'd have to be a serious mentally defective faggot to want to actually keep that hairy little beast around. I can only guess you got it from a band of traveling Gypsy fags, who were too busy bending each other over to notice you making off with their ape! Now get that filthy thing out of my sight and clean yourself up." Christopher stormed past Jonathan in an annoyed fluster, leaving the young man to stand there feeling sorry for himself.  
  
Jay looked over Bobs shoulder down on the three vampires below them. Each of the boys with a glare of serious, murderous rage on their faces. "I'm gonna kill all dees fucks." A slight gong could be heard at these words.   
  
They watched with seldom matched ire as the two vampires they had followed made their way to the first floor, across the great hall, and into a room beyond their range of vision. Their attention then shifted to the Undead thief that caused their reason for being there in the first place. They watched young Jonathan skulk up the steps to the third story, and they very quietly snuck up to him. When they were very close behind him as he walked towards what they guessed was his room, they could hear him mumbling to Suzanne.   
  
"You're not that bad." He seemed to be defending her as much as himself. "You're not filthy at all. Are you, girl? Are you?" He had reduced to the baby talk that people always seem to degrade themselves to when talking to supposedly less intelligent animals.  
  
Just as he crossed the threshold of his room, a close up of a hand tapping on his shoulder (with the humorous 'Bink, Bink, Bink' sound effect) could be seen. He turned around with an exasperated "What?" appearantly thinking that his peers had followed him to verbally assault him.  
  
He was quite surprised to see that Jay (carrying a steel bat) and Silent Bob (carrying a sharpened wooden bat Buffy had given him) had followed him to assault him, though not in a verbal fashion.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
Buffy slinked along through the shadows of a corridor with such lithe grace and spry flexibility that everyone watching is reminded just how much of a U. P.N. show this really is, and some of the more pathetic loser guy readers suddenly need to go to the restroom. She had entered the building through a first story window, though in a much more silent fashion than her partners in demon hunting.   
  
She made her way expertly unnoticed towards the center of building, following what her Slayer-senses told her was the largest concentration of the demons. Along the way she had found a single male vampire, lounging quite lazily, killing time until the sun went down. She decided that it would be better to deal with him alone right then rather than later with all of his brothers, and relieved him of his need to await nightfall.   
  
She finally found a corridor leading to the main center throne room, and hid behind a Support pillar for observation. She saw two of the undead beasts making their way down a flight of stairs, leaving a third whose back was to her behind them. She watched the descending pair make their way across the open space, and enter a room nearby her.   
  
Seeing that the hall was otherwise empty, she approached the doorway they had entered, and listened in. She heard several voices speaking, though she couldn't make out most of the words. She picked out a few here and there; Nightfall... Restless... Ceremony... Slayer... Pissed... (Though she wasn't sure whether it was in the context 'He was seriously pissed' or if she'd misheard and it was 'I seriously need to take a piss.')   
  
She focused on the myriad voices, trying to make sense of it, until a single voice shouted out "Silence!" and there was no more conversation to hear. It was a dark voice that had spoken, a cold voice. Colder than an ancient grave, and deeper than the pits of hell. More commanding than will to breath, and darker than a black nights shade. It was a powerful voice, a frightening voice.  
  
And a familiar one.   
  
That dark and compelling voice she'd heard but just two nights before. That powerful, harmonious voice that had frozen a dozen vampires in place out of respect or fear, or both. The insidious, terrifying voice that came with a slightly noble face and a powerful, confident man.   
  
"Listen, Old Man." The voice commanded in a rather threatening way. "I'll not long put up with your insolence. You shall remember your place and hold your tongue when you speak to me or You shall learn first hand just what the food chain is like in this town. Nor shall I tolerate your delays. We shall retrieve the talisman, But you shall be ready to use it immediately."  
  
  
"Now," The voice began seeming to have gotten out some frustration, "Christopher, Lester, you shall prepare the others. Gather an attack force, we are going to make a move tonight to recover the Amulet. The Slayer has it, and she seems to be aided by a pair of very powerful warriors. I believe they are armed with weapons of a mystic nature, and we shall match their power with numbers." He received a grunt of acknowledgment, and mumbled, "You may go."   
  
Buffy quickly moved away from the door, but apparently not quick enough. One of the vampires exiting the room heard someone running, and shouted out in alarm. "What's going on? Who's there?" Buffy stood stone-still behind a support pillar, but knew that she had lost her cover. She could hear one of them making an approach towards her, and she reached to her pants.   
  
She pulled a large and rather impressive wooden spike out the front of her pants where the bad guys always keep a gun in the movies. (I don't know, 'She pulled a large and impressive spike out of her pants.' Would that qualify as a spoiler for the last season?) She brought the stake up to her chest and mentally prepared to fight. She could sense that the vampire was but a few feet from discovering her. He was about to look around to see her...  
  
But the screaming body flying down from the third story somehow distracted him.   
  
Poor Jonathan, severely bruised and beaten, fell two stories to land on a set of steps. I don't care how undead you are, that has just got to hurt like a bitch. Though, it was a better fate than Mike, who had been in his barrack when he'd been attacked. Mike had rushed to Jon's rescue when the two young men had assailed him. The tubby one had grabbed Mike by the collar and thrown him out a window. Into the sunlight.   
  
Thank heaven for small favors, eh?  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
Xander shifted on his elbows to maintain a surveillance of the place.   
  
"Um, how are we going to know when to move in?" Willow asked uncertainly.  
  
"Well, Buffy did say she would give a signal to attack." Giles answered, keeping an unsure eye on the building. "Though she did not specify what that might be."   
  
They sat quietly for but a few moments before they saw a man fly through a third story window, screaming, and falling towards the ground. He didn't quite hit, however, before he had vaporized. The group shot a few curious glaces at each other.   
  
"Think that might be the signal?" Xander asked in a somewhat uncertain voice.  
  
"If that isn't, I'd hate to see what is, mate." Spike muttered, rather shaken to see one of his brethren destroyed in such a way. He pulled his trench coat up over his head and prepared to run for the doors. The others came up to crouching and kneeling positions, readying themselves to attack.   
  
Giles looked at them and muttered rather lamely. "I believe a charge is in order."   
  
The band of demon fighters stood there, crouching to the ground, trying to ready themselves for battle. They reached into their various duffle bags and pulled out assorted weapons. And eventually, the most unexpected of persons spoke.   
  
"Grant us the will not to run, not to flinch, not to fear." Xander spoke, his head bowed, his eyes closed. "Grant Us the will to face our trials, the wisdom to find our path, the patience to await your hand, and the strength to make our way." His prayer done, he looked up at the faces of his friends, and Spike. "If you find your self alone, in a green field with the sun on your face, do not be troubled." He said with a smile on his face. "For you are already dead."   
  
"Hey, I resent that!" Spike said, "Though all of your company would be greatly improved if you were dead."  
  
"For others," Xander continued, "What you do in life, echoes in eternity."  
  
Giles, who had completely missed the fact that he was quoting movies, thought along poetic lines. "We few, we happy few...."  
  
Spike finished for him. "We band of buggered."  
  
With a series of annoyed glances shooting their way around the group, they decided to just get it over with. They all stood, and made best speed for the main entrance.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
Okay, I know, I'm a bitch when it comes to updates, But this was a long chapter for me and I barely had any time to work on it. Any way, I hope you like it. In fact, I hope you like it enough to where you take three seconds and let me know you read it by giving even just the slightest little review.  
  
Sorry if it doesn't have the usual Kevin Smith humor quality, but I just watched 'A Better Place,' a movie of his that is freaky as hell. You aughta see it. (See there, Kev? I'm advertising for you.) Anyway, If you dislike, Review and flame. I'd just like to know you're reading.   
  
I hope I'll update soon, but I can't promise. In the mean time,  
  
-Love and Snoochie Boochies 


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